As a mother, I have come to know my children in the most intimate ways. I can tell you which of them drifts off to sleep on their back, and who wakes up ravenous. I recognize their needs for closeness versus independence, their laughter echoing down the hallway as they engage in playful mischief. One loves to paint, while the other loses herself in fantastical daydreams. I cherish the little moments on our front porch, where we share secrets while watching the rain dance against the ground.
I often find myself sitting on the floor with them, cheering on their imaginative creations and celebrating the tallest tower they’ve ever built. We break into spontaneous dance parties when we need a moment of silliness. I shower them with kisses and remind them, “Sweetheart, you are so brave.”
In those moments, I feel like a good mother.
But then, life happens. Something spills, a toy falls, or the kids start wrestling a little too aggressively. They don’t respond quickly enough to my requests or use words I’ve asked them to avoid. The chaos unfolds, and I can feel my patience fraying. In an instant, I transform into the frustrated mom I never wanted to be. My voice raises, and my children freeze, suddenly aware that I’ve lost my composure. I’m no longer the calm, loving mother; instead, I’m a weary, fragmented version of myself who lashes out.
And in those moments, I spiral into self-doubt. I wonder how my children will reconcile the warm, nurturing mom who allows ice cream for dinner on a whim with the irritated version of me who snaps because they took too long to tidy up. The swift change in my demeanor shocks me, leading me to question whether I can truly guide them with love, confidence, and resilience.
Am I alone in feeling like I’m pouring everything into motherhood, yet it never feels sufficient?
I can’t be the only mother who feels overwhelmed by the weight of expectations. We often compare ourselves to other mothers, mentally keeping score of our perceived shortcomings: the laundry that remains unfolded, the incomplete projects, and the messy kitchen. We lose our temper, forget to return calls, and struggle to relish every moment. Too often, we’re exhausted, running late, and barely managing to stay afloat.
We may feel composed most of the time, but there are moments when we’re not. We can see grace in our lives until we become blind to it.
This is the crucial moment where we must pause. It’s not that grace has vanished; rather, we have become unable to see it. We focus on the darkness and overlook the light.
We often feel like failures because we measure ourselves against unrealistic standards. We concoct an image of the “perfect mom” — one who has an ideal marriage, maintains a fit physique because she wakes at dawn to work out, prepares organic meals, keeps a spotless home, raises well-behaved children, and volunteers constantly. We set ourselves up against these impossible ideals, interpreting any shortcomings as failure.
These flawed benchmarks cloud our vision, making it challenging to see the grace that illuminates our everyday lives. When we learn to reject these unattainable standards, we start to notice the beauty that surrounds us.
Dear mothers, if you’re feeling like you’re falling short, remember: you’re not. You’re doing a remarkable job. Your children don’t need a mother who’s focused on perfection or who’s constantly comparing herself to others. What they need is a mom who lives life fully, loves deeply, and embraces every moment with open arms.
We shouldn’t strive to maintain an impossible façade. All that’s required is to infuse our daily moments with genuine love. This love can bridge the gap of inadequacy. Small acts of love — whether it’s preparing breakfast, playing in the pool, or cooking yet another meal — remind us that every aspect of our lives holds significance and that grace resides in the ordinary.
Love is vast and profound, capable of nurturing and protecting. It’s the gentle force that encourages us to rise and comfort our children when they’re hurt or afraid. Love is exhausting and requires sacrifice, but it is also the whisper that reassures us that love conquers all.
So, mothers, you are not failing. You love fiercely. Silence the nagging voices of inadequacy telling you to do more or to be more. Instead, embrace yourself with the same fierce love you offer your children. Continue to take things one small step at a time, and soon you’ll see the extraordinary life you’ve created.
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In summary, remember that love is the true measure of your success as a parent, not the societal standards you may feel pressured to meet. Embrace your journey with all its ups and downs, and always lead with love.