When it comes to parenting, there’s a topic that often goes unspoken: the children who are labeled as “difficult.” You know the ones—the kids who don’t easily conform to social norms, who are labeled as poorly behaved or overly demanding. They aren’t the ones who greet strangers with smiles or jump into new experiences without hesitation.
You might find that they turn their noses up at the new pizza brand you’ve tried or express reluctance about attending that summer camp you signed them up for. These children often experience nightmares, heightened anxieties, and may react with loud expressions of frustration or sadness. “Intense” seems to capture their essence perfectly.
As a pediatrician and mother of two, I can relate to this firsthand. My eldest, like many children, embodies this challenging intensity. While it’s true that every child has their own set of challenges, only those raising strong-willed kids truly understand the depth of these experiences.
Parents of intense children often face scrutiny and judgment from those around them. Comments like, “Why doesn’t he give me a high five?” or “She should eat more than just crackers” are all too familiar. It’s exhausting to hear people question your child’s behavior, sometimes in your presence, and it can feel incredibly isolating.
These emotionally intense kids are not merely having an occasional tantrum or being cranky due to hunger. They often have a heightened emotional state that they exhibit from a very young age. I remember my son’s ultrasound, where the technician couldn’t help but laugh at how animated he was even before birth.
While these kids can be demanding and hard to please, it’s crucial to remember that they are still children. If you take a moment to look beyond their tough exterior, you’ll discover their kind hearts and unique personalities. They are not spoiled; they are simply navigating their emotions in a world that sometimes feels overwhelming.
I don’t believe that I’ve done anything specifically to create my son’s strong-willed nature, although I acknowledge that I’ve made my share of parenting mistakes. On good days, I affectionately refer to him as my “grumpy little philosopher.” Those willing to invest time to engage with him often find that he’s an intriguing, affectionate, and funny little boy.
To those who may not have experience with intense children, I urge you to take a moment to appreciate their uniqueness. Please try to reserve judgment and understand that their initial defensiveness is often a protective mechanism. Your kindness and patience can make a significant difference, and I assure you, it will be recognized by both the child and their parent.
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In summary, let’s foster understanding and patience for those children who may seem difficult at first glance. They have much to offer if we take the time to truly see them.