As a physician and a parent, I’ve come to realize that fostering open communication in children is vital for their emotional wellbeing and success. Recently, I had a conversation with my daughter, Lily, after her teacher reached out regarding her struggles in math—a subject she typically excels in. It turned out Lily felt too intimidated to admit when she didn’t understand the material. Her admission, “Mom, I’m just not strong like you. I can’t speak up the way you do,” struck a chord with me. It became clear that, despite my own outspoken nature, I hadn’t equipped her with the tools needed to voice her thoughts and feelings effectively.
Here’s my plan to help Lily find her voice and confidently express herself.
1. Encourage Her to Eliminate Unnecessary Apologies
I want Lily to understand that while apologizing is important when she’s genuinely hurt someone, she shouldn’t diminish her thoughts with phrases like “I’m sorry but…” or “Sorry to interrupt.” Her ideas are valuable, and she shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for sharing them.
2. Foster Questioning of Authority
If Lily feels something is unjust, whether on the playground or in a classroom, she should feel empowered to speak up. Teaching her to express her frustrations will prepare her for bigger challenges in life, like negotiating a raise or asserting herself in professional settings.
3. Reinforce That She Doesn’t Have to Smile
When Lily walks down the street, I want her to know that she is under no obligation to respond with a smile to someone who catcalls her. Her body is hers, and it’s her choice how to react. She deserves the right to show her true feelings without feeling pressured to please others.
4. Practice Assertiveness in Uncomfortable Situations
During an incident where a stranger approached Lily while we were on a walk, her instinct was to be polite, even when she felt uneasy. Since then, we’ve been practicing how to assertively tell someone to back off. It’s essential that she knows how to use her voice to protect herself.
5. Help Her Discover Her Supportive Community
Recently, I took Lily to a community event where she found others who shared her interests. She exclaimed, “These are my people!” It’s crucial that she identifies and surrounds herself with individuals who uplift her, creating a foundation of support for her journey.
Not long after our conversation about her struggles, Lily came home with a perfect score on her math test. With a beaming smile, she told me, “I’m going to speak up more often, Mom! It feels great!” This moment reminded me of how vital it is to nurture her ability to express herself confidently.
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Summary:
Raising a daughter who can express herself confidently involves teaching her to eliminate unnecessary apologies, question authority, and acknowledge her feelings. By practicing assertiveness and finding a supportive community, she can develop the skills needed to voice her thoughts and stand up for herself in various situations.