Updated: March 30, 2021
Originally Published: August 17, 2016
When my partner, Jake, and I began our relationship, we were the epitome of affection. Spending time apart felt unbearable, and even the simplest activities like grocery shopping or paying bills together brought us joy. We worked out as a team, binge-watched shows, and reveled in exploring our new city after college. Our friends often teased us about our overwhelmingly sweet demeanor. Honestly, we were that couple—adorably ridiculous.
The honeymoon phase continued beautifully after our wedding. We savored cooking gourmet meals together and unwound on our porch, dreaming of our future family. Life was blissful, and we were undeniably cute—perhaps even a bit smug about it.
However, once our first child arrived, maintaining that same spark proved challenging. Let’s face it: there’s nothing romantic about pumping breast milk while your partner enjoys breakfast. After years of marriage, we both realized that if we wanted to make this work long-term, we had to accept each other’s quirks—like Jake’s less-than-pleasant bathroom habits and the fact that my sports bra routine wasn’t exactly a turn-on.
After 17 years together, romance has taken on a new meaning. While we may not indulge in candlelit dinners every night, we’ve formed a deep bond built on shared experiences—like me binge-watching shows in bed while Jake snores loudly. And, let’s be honest, the honeymoon phase is definitely over. Here are some signs that might indicate the same in your marriage:
- The last time you celebrated New Year’s Eve out was Y2K.
- You’ve stopped trying to impress his family.
- Your Christmas tree is filled with gifts you bought for yourself, and you’re genuinely excited about those cozy leggings.
- A new water heater is considered a romantic Valentine’s Day gift.
- Courtesy flushes have become a household essential.
- You’ve gone to bed angry more than a handful of times—okay, maybe 562.
- The thrill of being called “Mrs.” has worn off.
- You’ve contemplated hosting a “Replace the Broken Wedding Appliances” shower for your upcoming anniversary.
- Forget flowers—what really melts your heart is when he empties the dishwasher unprompted.
- “I’ll handle bedtime” has become a new form of foreplay.
- You both roll your eyes at young couples kissing in public.
- You haven’t been to a wedding in 15 years.
- “Dinner and a movie” now translates to Netflix and takeout.
- Your underwear shopping now happens at Costco, and you don’t care one bit.
- Love notes on the bathroom mirror have been replaced with texts like “Don’t forget the milk or else.”
- When you call someone “Pooh Bear,” you’re actually referring to a stuffed animal.
- He no longer jokes about adding extra people to your bed.
- “Clothing optional days” only apply to the toddler.
- You come home from your run with just one coffee from Starbucks.
- He doesn’t pretend to notice your new highlights or outfit anymore.
- He trims his nose hairs while you clip your toenails, and it doesn’t faze either of you.
- You give him the side-eye when he tries to join you in the shower—it’s the one place you can escape the kids.
- Now, the only time you light candles is during a storm or when he’s made the bathroom uninhabitable.
While I no longer crave grand romantic gestures like I did in my twenties, I appreciate the small acts of love—like laundry making it to the basket and dishes being loaded into the dishwasher. Sure, I sometimes miss unexpected flowers, but I value the comfort of being myself, flaws and all. After all these years, Jake still looks at me with that twinkle in his eye, even in my cozy leggings from Christmas.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this excellent resource from News Medical. For advice on home insemination kits, CryoBaby is an authority on the topic. As you navigate your own relationship, remember that it’s the little things that often mean the most.
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