Updated: Aug. 13, 2023
I have always struggled with the word “no.” As someone who thrives on making others happy, the thought of disappointing someone fills me with dread. Coupled with my deep empathy for those in distress, I often find myself overcommitting and sidelining my own needs.
This tendency has its perks; friends and family often describe me as caring and dependable. Yet, it has also left me emotionally drained, feeling like a shadow of my true self. I often found myself in relationships that were not only unfulfilling but also detrimental to my well-being. I believed that my compassion could change people, but instead, I was the one who changed—exhausted and depleted.
Recently, however, I experienced a significant turning point. After years of being a stay-at-home mom, I had taken on multiple responsibilities: freelance writing, managing a part-time business, and volunteering. Juggling all of this, while caring for young children and with a partner away for long hours, was overwhelming. My family was suffering, and so was I.
One day, while I was busy responding to emails, my child approached me, saying, “Mom, put down your phone. I miss you.” In that moment, I realized where my true priorities lay. I had neglected my most important commitment—being present for my family.
Soon after this revelation, I made the difficult decision to step back from my volunteer role. To my surprise, the organization continued to thrive without me. I also put my business on hold until my youngest was in school full-time, and I took the time to curate my social media presence, unfollowing accounts that brought negativity into my life.
Setting boundaries is liberating. Although it was painful to say no, the relief I felt afterward was incredible. A popular saying resonates deeply with me: “You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.” This mantra will guide me moving forward. My kindness is not in question; it’s the ability to assert my needs that I am now prioritizing.
Many women, especially mothers, face similar struggles. We often feel compelled to keep everyone happy, fearing that self-care equates to selfishness. But in reality, it’s a sign of strength. Our children need to see that we can advocate for ourselves and make choices that nurture our well-being. If we are not content, we cannot genuinely contribute to others’ happiness.
I give you permission to embrace the power of “no” and to leave guilt behind. Take charge of your life; it belongs to you. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart. You will be amazed at how liberating it feels.
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In summary, learning to say no is a vital part of self-care. It allows us to focus on what truly matters—our happiness and the well-being of our loved ones. By setting boundaries, we create space for joy and fulfillment in our lives.