As a pediatrician, I often see parents grappling with the realization that their child might be displaying some bratty behavior. Yes, I’m talking about your little one. You may find them whining and seemingly getting their way far too often.
I understand that you’re striving to be the kind of parent you wished you had growing up. Perhaps your own upbringing lacked the attention and support you desired. Your parents may have been preoccupied, with your father completely unaware of your flute playing or your mom missing many of your sports games due to work commitments.
However, you’ve made a conscious choice to do things differently. You aim to be the attentive parent, involved in every aspect of your child’s life. You try to ensure they feel cherished and valued, always arriving on time for pick-ups and scheduling countless activities. You hover like a helicopter, asking endless questions, and you want them to have the most fulfilling experiences possible, fearing their disappointment.
But here’s the reality: in our attempts to provide the best for them, we are sometimes making critical errors that lead to bratty behavior. Here’s how:
Negotiation Gone Awry
When your child desires something, the negotiation starts. “I’ll buy that if you behave,” you might say while shopping. But when they misbehave and you relent, you create a pattern of expectation. It’s crucial to set firm boundaries; if they are crossed, the negotiation must cease.
Cleaning Up After Them
When your child’s room looks like a disaster zone, it’s tempting to intervene and clean it yourself. But by doing so, you teach them that someone will always take care of their messes. Instead, they should face the consequences of their untidiness.
Carrying Their Burdens
Yes, that backpack can be heavy, but when you’re always lugging it around for them, you might be fostering a sense of entitlement. Children need to learn to manage their own responsibilities.
Dinner Decisions
Did your parents ask you what you wanted for dinner? Likely not. Meals were a chance to nourish the family, not a negotiation table. It’s important for kids to understand that they may not always get to choose their meals.
Prioritizing Their Activities
While attending your child’s games is important, there are times when your family’s plans should take precedence. Missing a few events can help them learn the value of commitment and self-sufficiency.
The Myth of Constant Happiness
Children are not meant to be happy all the time. It’s okay for them to face disappointments or complete chores. They’ll learn valuable lessons about life and responsibility.
Unified Parenting
When one parent says “no” and the other says “yes,” it sends mixed messages. Children thrive when they see their parents present a united front, which minimizes bratty behavior.
Chores and Responsibilities
If your child isn’t participating in household chores, it might be time for them to contribute in other ways. Assigning tasks helps them develop a work ethic.
Excusing Poor Behavior
We often make excuses for our children’s bad behavior, but it’s crucial to hold them accountable. Recognizing that tiredness or a busy schedule doesn’t excuse poor choices is essential for their development.
Standing Up for Their Independence
While it’s natural to defend your child, it’s vital that they learn to advocate for themselves. If a teacher points out poor work habits, listen. Teachers generally want to help kids succeed, and advocating for them when they haven’t put in the effort teaches them irresponsibility.
Attention and involvement are positive, but it’s how we apply these that can lead to issues. By negotiating too much, excusing behavior, or making life too comfortable, we contribute to the problem. Kids need to experience a bit of discomfort, like eating that pork chop with chunky red rice and canned green beans, to build character.
For further insights on parenting and child development, check out this post on our blog here. If you’re interested in more resources, visit Make a Mom for expert information on home insemination kits and UCSF’s Center for pregnancy support.
Summary
Parenting can inadvertently lead to bratty behavior in children when boundaries are not set, responsibilities are overlooked, and excuses are made for bad behavior. It’s important to foster independence, accountability, and a sense of reality in children for their overall development.