By: Lisa Matthews
“You won’t believe the conversation I had with John today,” my husband chuckled, dropping a single ice cube into his glass. John, a colleague of his, has a daughter who is around the same age as our seventh-grader, Lily.
“What happened?” I asked, as I prepared a fresh salad.
“John walked into the break room looking completely drained. After a big sigh, he said, ‘Has your household been turned upside down by the breakup of One Direction?’”
I burst into laughter. “What did you say?”
“I told him, ‘Lily couldn’t care less about One Direction. If Benedict Cumberbatch announced he was leaving Sherlock, or if they canceled Doctor Who or Supernatural, that would be a different story. But One Direction? Not a chance.’”
“I’m so grateful our daughter has taken after us in the nerd department,” I said, popping a crouton into my mouth. “She did mention that some girls at school were losing their minds over it, though. Crying, even.”
“Exactly what John said,” my husband nodded. “It’s pure emotional chaos. All that crying, whining, and nonstop texting. Talk about dramatic.”
“Zayn,” I grimaced. “Seriously, who names their kid that?”
Later that evening, I received a message from my friend Sarah, whose daughter, Emma, is also 13.
“Emma’s dealing with some tough bullying from her friend group,” she wrote. “These girls are huge One Direction fans, and Emma’s kind of over it. When she said it didn’t matter that Zayn left, they turned against her instantly. Now, she’s getting flooded with mean texts and nasty comments on her Facebook.”
“That’s insane,” I replied. “How is Emma handling it?”
“She’s upset but managing to talk to me about it, which I’m thankful for. I told her to ignore those girls and that I’m proud of her for being true to herself. But here’s the kicker—they went on Instagram and blurred her face out of every group picture.”
Reading those words sent chills down my spine. Despite all the changes in this world, some things remain painfully the same.
I recalled my own experience before entering eighth grade when my so-called friends decided it was my turn to be ostracized. The speed and cruelty of it left me breathless. One summer afternoon, a classmate called to let me know my friends had burned all the photos of me in their group. The message was clear: without us, you don’t exist.
Fast forward to this weekend. My husband and I took Lily and her sister to the mall, where I snuck away to grab some Easter gifts. On our way home, my husband turned to Lily, eyes twinkling in the rearview mirror.
“Hey, Lily, want to share what you said at the mall?”
She rolled her eyes, but a smile broke through. “Oh, come on, Dad!”
“Go on, spill!” I encouraged her.
“Well,” he smirked, “I needed shaving gel, so I took the girls into Sephora. Lily walked in and recoiled, saying, ‘What are we doing here? This place sells makeup!’”
I turned around to catch Lily’s eye. “What’s wrong with makeup?”
“Ugh! Mom,” she groaned, putting her headphones back on. “Makeup is for gross popular girls who only care about boys. They’re the worst. You won’t catch me wearing makeup!”
As the unseasonably warm day progressed, Lily headed for the swings in our backyard, headphones on and pumping her legs higher into the air. My husband joined me at the window, grinning.
“She loves it out there.”
“She does,” I agreed, a twinge of worry creeping in. “But I can’t help but worry about her. Kids can be so cruel at this age, and I’m not sure she has the emotional tools to deal with it. She’s a bit immature for her age; look at her, five foot seven and still swinging.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? She’s not boy-crazy or sneaking drinks like other kids,” he replied.
“True, I’m thankful for that. But it’s the others I worry about.”
“Kids can be little monsters,” he said. “But she’s smart.”
“She proudly calls herself a nerd. That’s how she identifies.”
He chuckled. “So what? We were both nerds, and we still are. I think she’s just fine.”
“Do you think she believes it, deep down?”
He placed a reassuring hand on my back. “Stop worrying so much. Just enjoy her, quirks and all.”
Enjoy her I did, my funny, bright, and unapologetically nerdy girl, with curls wild and free. It took a few moments before I could pull myself away from the window, watching her soar high into the sky.
In a world filled with pressures to conform, I’m profoundly grateful my daughter embraces her nerdy side. For more insights on parenting and family life, check out this blog post. If you’re looking for reliable resources, RESOLVE offers excellent information on family-building options. And for those interested in home insemination, Make A Mom provides reputable at-home insemination kits.
In summary, navigating the teenage years can be challenging, but I’m grateful my daughter is carving out her own identity and staying true to herself amidst peer pressures.
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