For months, I found myself dreading the approach of my 40th birthday. It wasn’t that I disliked celebrating, as I cherish any occasion to bake a cake and feel special. But this year, the significance of turning 40 felt overwhelming.
The anxiety crept in around six months ago when a former colleague, James, reached out to catch up and asked my age. When I revealed it, he reacted with disbelief. “No way! Really?” he gasped, leaving me uncertain whether he was surprised by my age or by the memories it evoked of hiring me fresh out of college 16 years ago. He half-joked, “You better not mention that on your blog if you want to keep working in this industry.” While I sensed the humor, it struck a chord; in the world of media, a woman’s age can often overshadow her accomplishments, unlike the double standard faced by men.
As the summer progressed, I found myself increasingly anxious. I questioned whether I had achieved enough, if I still had time to fulfill my dreams, and how my changing body impacted my self-image, especially as I navigated the realities of perimenopause. I even considered skipping the birthday celebrations altogether, wishing to remain invisible to my colleagues and deny my age.
In doing so, I became a hypocrite. I often tell my daughters to embrace who they are, yet I was rejecting my own journey and the vessel that had nurtured our children. But then, a realization dawned on me: So what?! What difference does it make if people know I’m on the verge of 40? So what if I’m not a size 4 anymore? I am precisely where I need to be, and it’s high time I accepted that.
As I sit here on the eve of my 40th birthday, I’m finally ready to celebrate the journey that has brought me here. Turning 40 is not just about the number; it symbolizes my growth. It represents the resilience of my marriage after years of infertility struggles, the perseverance through challenging IVF treatments, and the strength I’ve gained along the way. This milestone has pushed me to pursue my passions, like starting my own practice, and to embrace my authentic self.
Now, as I prepare to welcome this new decade, I’m committed to savoring every moment. While age may seem like just a number, the years pass swiftly, and I refuse to waste another second fixating on it. It’s time to live fully, authentically, and joyfully.
If you’re interested in learning more about fertility and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on IVF and fertility preservation from the Cleveland Clinic. And for those considering home insemination options, you can find valuable kits that can support your journey here.
Summary
Turning 40 can evoke mixed emotions, especially in a society that often equates age with beauty and worth. This article reflects on the journey of embracing one’s age, recognizing personal achievements, and prioritizing authenticity over societal expectations. It encourages readers to celebrate their milestones and live fully, regardless of age.