In our home, there hangs a picture of my partner and me with our eldest nephew. The frame is inscribed with the words, “My Guardians.” Occasionally, one of our children spots this photo and inquires about what it means to be a guardian. “What’s that? Do I have any? Why not?” I do my best to address their curiosity, but often it concludes with an apology and an explanation regarding their lack of guardianship.
“Well… you weren’t baptized.”
“I wasn’t?”
“No.”
“Why not?!”
“Our beliefs don’t include baptism for children.”
These exchanges sometimes lead to further questioning, while at other times they end in mild disappointment over not having guardians, apathy towards baptism, and a reluctant acceptance that we don’t belong to a mainstream faith.
My kids recognize that our family doesn’t attend church like their Christian and Jewish classmates do — yet we don’t completely abstain from church either. In a way, I think they feel a bit shortchanged; they find themselves on the outskirts of religious life while still being expected to engage in church activities.
Our family identifies as Unitarian Universalist (UU) — a less conventional faith that can be just as challenging to articulate as it is to pronounce. UUs, as we often refer to ourselves, do not adhere to a specific dogma. Comprising only about one percent of the American religious landscape, we represent a varied spiritual community. Some UUs come from different faith backgrounds, while others are atheists or agnostics. There are also those who believe in a higher power — although the capitalization of “God” can be a point of contention. We reject concepts like the Trinity, bar or bat mitzvahs, and the necessity of baptism to absolve “original sin,” which we don’t believe in at all.
Instead, our focus is on kindness, connection, and reverence for something beyond ourselves — whatever that may mean to each individual. It’s like a community centered around the Golden Rule.
I arrived at Unitarian Universalism after growing up within a traditional Catholic framework, complete with First Communions and Lenten dietary restrictions. While I value that early spiritual education, I came to realize, as many individuals do, that the traditional doctrines didn’t resonate with me. I didn’t subscribe to the notion of a “bearded white man in the sky” deity. However, a more ambiguous concept of divinity — perhaps a “god” with a lowercase “g” — seemed to fit better with my evolving beliefs.
Beyond my personal views, I desired a spiritual upbringing for my children. But what kind of foundation could I provide? I longed for our family to join a spiritual community that embraced the divine while remaining grounded in knowledge and authenticity. Did such a place exist?
For a time, I doubted it. Yet, over the past decade, I’ve found that this unique religion, with its lengthy name, perfectly suits our family. We explore the works of Rumi and Mary Oliver, and our gatherings feature a diverse array of songs. Our church accommodates groups focused on Atheism, Humanism, and the Feminine Divine, alongside a book club. We celebrate various traditions, from an annual Passover Seder to a Christmas pageant, and even host a fantastic Halloween celebration. My evolving (though non-Christian) beliefs are welcomed alongside my partner’s humanist views, teaching our children the significance of spirituality without dictating how they should engage with it.
Admittedly, there are moments when the essence of our faith feels elusive, making it challenging to explain to those unfamiliar with Unitarian Universalism. Fitting in with others can be equally complex. My Jewish and Christian friends sometimes view me as not religious enough, while my non-religious peers think I’m too involved. As for my children, they occasionally express envy over the gifts their friends received for First Communion.
Nonetheless, we generally embrace our distinct religious identity. I take pride in belonging to a faith community that has consistently championed marriage equality and established gender-neutral facilities long before it became a popular issue. I appreciate that my children are exposed to a variety of faith traditions — from Judeo-Christian beliefs to Buddhism and beyond — learning not just to accept differences but to celebrate them. I am sincerely grateful that I can maintain my beliefs while being an active part of a spiritual community.
While we may not always align with mainstream religious practices, we undoubtedly feel a strong sense of belonging. If you’re interested in exploring similar paths, you might find inspiration in this article on home insemination. For anyone considering the journey to parenthood, Make a Mom offers crucial insights. Additionally, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine provides an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Navigating the spiritual landscape can be challenging for families that do not conform to mainstream religions. Embracing Unitarian Universalism allows for a diverse exploration of beliefs while fostering kindness and connection. This unique faith community provides a supportive environment for families to engage with spirituality in meaningful ways, celebrating both differences and shared values.