As the school bus approaches, your daughter, Lily, turns to you with a distressed look, saying, “I don’t want to take the bus. I feel sick. Please don’t make me go.” You feel a familiar knot in your stomach, realizing that what should be a straightforward morning routine has turned into a mountain of anxiety.
Looking at Lily’s frightened face, you want nothing more than to ease her distress. You attempt to soothe her with logic: “Lily, this bus driver has a perfect safety record!” But she remains unconvinced. You try to reassure her: “I promise you’ll be alright. You trust me, right?” She nods, but then whispers, “Please don’t make me go.”
Frustrated, you resort to threats: “Lily Marie, you are getting on that bus right now, or no video games for a week!” The look she gives you is one of utter defeat as she reluctantly boards the bus. You can’t help but feel a sense of guilt.
If any of this sounds familiar, rest assured you’re not alone. Many parents are desperate to alleviate their child’s anxiety. The emotional toll on both the child and the parent can be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that while the situations causing anxiety may seem trivial to adults, they are very real and frightening to a child.
Having experienced anxiety myself, I understand the struggle. With 40 million U.S. adults and 1 in 8 children battling anxiety, many kids miss out on school, social events, and restful nights due to their worries. Despite the absence of a universal solution, there are numerous research-backed techniques to help manage anxiety, many of which are easy to learn.
Here are nine strategies to help parents guide their anxious children:
- Avoid Over-Reassurance
Your child is anxious and seeks comfort, but telling them, “There’s nothing to worry about,” often falls flat. This is because, during anxiety, the emotional part of the brain takes over, impeding logical thought. Instead, utilize the FEEL method:- Freeze: Take a moment to breathe deeply together.
- Empathize: Acknowledge their fear.
- Evaluate: Once calm, discuss solutions.
- Let Go: Release any guilt; you’re equipping them with coping tools.
- Frame Worry as a Natural Response
Help your child understand that anxiety serves a purpose. Historically, it kept our ancestors safe from danger. Explain that while modern threats differ, the instinct to worry is normal. This can help reduce the stigma around feeling anxious. - Personify the Worry
Instead of ignoring anxiety, try creating a character that represents it—like a stuffed animal named Willa the Worry Monster. This can help demystify the feelings and make it easier for your child to discuss their fears. - Encourage Thought Investigation
Teach your child to scrutinize their worried thoughts instead of accepting them as facts. Use the 3Cs approach:- Catch: Identify the anxious thought.
- Collect: Gather evidence for and against the thought.
- Challenge: Debate the validity of the concern.
- Designate Worry Time
Allowing your child to express their worries in a controlled way can be beneficial. Establish a “Worry Time” where they can jot down their fears without judgment. Decorate a worry box where they can store their thoughts, and at the end of the time, let them say goodbye to those worries for the day. - Shift Focus from “What If” to “What Is”
Anxiety often involves excessive future thinking. Help your child practice mindfulness to ground them in the present. Simple breathing exercises can assist in this transition. - Gradual Exposure to Triggers
Do your children tend to avoid situations that make them anxious? While it’s natural to want to shield them, avoidance can worsen anxiety. Instead, use a technique called laddering. Break down fears into manageable steps, gradually exposing them to the source of their anxiety. - Create an Anxiety Checklist
Just as pilots use checklists for emergencies, children can benefit from having a calming checklist for when anxiety strikes. Include actionable steps like breathing techniques and evaluating the situation. - Practice Self-Compassion
It’s common for parents to feel guilt over their child’s anxiety. Remember, anxiety is influenced by various factors, and you are not to blame. It’s crucial to practice self-compassion, letting go of self-criticism and embracing your role as your child’s advocate.
By implementing these strategies, you can help your child move beyond mere survival and discover a life filled with purpose and joy. For more insights on home insemination, consider checking out resources like this guide. Additionally, Make a Mom provides excellent tools and assistance for those navigating parenthood challenges. For further information on fertility and pregnancy, you can explore Johns Hopkins’ specialized services.
In summary, helping your child cope with anxiety requires patience, understanding, and practical strategies. By equipping them with the right tools and fostering open communication, you can assist them on their journey toward emotional well-being.