For my son Max’s fourth birthday, he’s chosen a superhero theme and specifically requested “no girls.” We’re planning an intimate gathering at our home, inviting just a few preschool buddies along with their parents and his grandparents. When it came time to send out the invitations, a flicker of guilt arose for not including all of his classmates.
Many birthday parties we’ve attended have been extravagant affairs with 20 children from his class, their siblings, and parents, all packed into rented venues. Some celebrations have boasted a staggering 60 guests — outnumbering the attendees at my own grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary! At these large events, kids often gather for group introductions (despite knowing each other well) and indulge in sugary treats galore, culminating in the excitement of a bounce house. Afterward, we leave with a goody bag filled with more sugary snacks and small plastic toys.
Our generation of parents often faces criticism for hosting such grand preschool birthday parties. Experts claim that we’re spoiling our children and flaunting our affluence. However, I believe there’s a more heartfelt reason behind these elaborate celebrations: it feels wrong to exclude young children from the guest list.
For Max’s party, I allowed him to invite six of his closest friends. He quickly named his favorites and even wanted to add a couple more, but I had to draw the line. Our apartment is cozy, and entertaining six hyper boys is about all we can handle. That’s when the guilt resurfaced — should we have opted for a larger venue to accommodate his entire class?
Every time I step into Max’s preschool, I’m filled with joy as I watch his classmates eagerly greet us. They come running with stories of new temporary tattoos or ninja moves, and I’ve known many of these kids since they were in diapers. Preschoolers are in such a magical phase of life. They make friends easily and don’t engage in bullying or cliques. This simplicity provides a wonderful opportunity for parents to bond without getting swept up in the kids’ dramas. Inviting the whole class helps maintain this spirit of inclusivity and sidesteps any hurt feelings that can arise as they grow older.
Will some kids or their parents discover that they weren’t invited and feel upset? I had a serious discussion with Max about keeping the party a secret at school, but I’m aware that it might be challenging for him to keep quiet.
We decided on a small home party because a bigger gathering could easily overwhelm him. Honestly, it would overwhelm me too if I faced a crowd of 60 at my own birthday. Also, I’ve noticed a negative correlation between the amount of money spent and the fun experienced. Recently, we dropped $60 on tickets to a local kids’ festival, which featured bounce houses, live music, and all-you-can-eat treats. Max, however, just wanted to run around with his friends while their parents tried to maximize the entertainment value. Our son ended up frustrated, declaring, “I hate festivals!”
Next time, we’ll skip the festival and use that money for a nice bottle of wine instead. For Max’s birthday, we’re keeping things simple and distraction-free. There won’t be long lines or structured activities other than singing “Happy Birthday.” We’ll have plenty of toys and activities available for the boys to enjoy, and most of our budget will be allocated for refreshments for the adults.
While I hope there are no hurt feelings from our small gathering, we’re committed to celebrating Max’s birthday in a way that aligns with his wishes: chasing imaginary villains alongside his closest superhero pals.
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In summary, keeping Max’s birthday celebration small allows for a more relaxed atmosphere, prioritizing his enjoyment over societal expectations. Our focus is on creating a joyful experience with his favorite friends, rather than a large, overwhelming event.