A few hours later, I found out that my daughter was dealing with a stress-related issue known as “incisive papilla trauma”—a term I had never encountered before but apparently a common concern for stressed-out teens, according to our family dentist, who quickly performed a minor procedure. As we waited for the dentist, who appeared unfazed by yet another teenager’s oral crisis, my daughter turned to me and asked, “Did you see the email about the PupilPath colors?”
“What’s PupilPath?” I asked, mishearing her.
“Not PupilPath. PupilPath,” she replied, laughing. “Seriously, I can’t believe I’ve been at that school for four years, and you still don’t know what it is. You’re such a weirdo! Even my math teacher thinks so.”
“Is that the online portal where you can check your grades?” I inquired, catching on.
“Yes! Oh my God,” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes at my ignorance.
“In that case, I’m not a weirdo,” I countered. “I just don’t care.”
PupilPath—which I had to Google to spell correctly for this post—is the digital platform where my daughter’s grades reside. I have no clue how to access it, and I have no intention of figuring it out. Students and parents can monitor grades at any time, right down to the hundredth of a decimal point. I vaguely recall receiving an email about it back when she started high school, but I ignored it. Why would I want a blow-by-blow account of her grades? It’s not a sporting event; it’s education.
Honestly, I’d rather not know the daily ups and downs of my daughter’s academic performance, much like I wouldn’t want to obsess over my Amazon ranking or the fluctuating figures in my retirement account. What’s the point? They go up and down—rinse and repeat.
Some parents argue that staying updated on grades is essential for guiding their children to achieve better results. But to that, I say: Are you serious? I’m not the odd one here; you are. We’ve lost sight of the bigger picture. Parents, if you’re constantly hovering over your kids to improve their grades, you’re denying them the chance to succeed or fail based on their own efforts. And kids, if my generation survived high school without minute-by-minute updates on our grades, so can you! I promise it’s much less stressful. And stress, as we increasingly learn, can take a significant toll on both mind and body.
When my father was battling pancreatic cancer during the financial crash of 2008, I had to beg him to stop obsessively checking his online stock portfolio. “It’s not good for your health!” I would say. I wasn’t a doctor, but it was obvious how his illness worsened every time he checked his account. What remained unspoken was that none of that would matter once he was gone.
He got my point: obsessively monitoring those numbers not only stressed him out, but it also distracted him from enjoying the precious time he had left. I know this from experience. When my first book was published, right around the time online data became easily accessible, the first thing I did after checking into a hotel on my book tour was check my Amazon ranking. I visited 12 cities on that tour, yet all I remember is watching that number fluctuate. Up, then down. Up, then down. It’s embarrassing, and I’m ashamed of us parents, too.
How did we reach a point in our educational system where we spend more time obsessing over our kids’ grades than engaging in meaningful conversations about the books they read? Because of us, our children are so fixated on their grades that they miss out on the rich experience of learning.
Take the PupilPath saga, for example. A few weeks before my daughter’s exams, she mentioned that grades of 90 and above used to show up in blue with little gold stars. But then, some administrator decided to change the color-coding so that only grades of 98 and above would be blue, leaving grades between 80 and 97.99 as boring old green. Green! The horror!
Parents went into a frenzy, pushing their kids to raise their grades from green to blue—even though it was the same score, just a different color! Students even took to an anonymous Facebook confessions page, where one wrote, “Everyone thinks changing the PupilPath colors is pointless, but those stars make me feel accomplished after all my hard work.”
When I read that, my heart sank. We’ve put the cart so far ahead of the horse that they might as well be in different time zones. Over 1,700 students—nearly half the student body—voted to restore the blue for any score of 90 and above. Imagine if that energy had been spent reading Proust, solving complex math problems, or studying string theory! Wouldn’t that be a better use of their time?
The constant color-coding and grade-checking—this virtual race to college—is costing us much more than the $260 I paid for my daughter’s dental issue. We’ve sacrificed our peace of mind, our children’s intellectual curiosity, and our collective sanity for the illusion of control offered by real-time online data.
But go ahead, call me the oddball. I’ll be in my room reading a book, creating art, or hiking in the woods while pondering the miracle of existence, which is what I’ve finally learned to value at my age.
In the end, let’s remember that nurturing a love for learning is far more important than keeping tabs on grades.
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Summary:
In today’s digital age, parents often obsess over their children’s online grades, leading to unnecessary stress and a skewed perception of success. Instead of focusing on minute-by-minute updates, parents should encourage their kids to embrace learning for its own sake. We must shift our priorities from grades to personal growth, allowing children to develop resilience and a genuine love for learning.