As a physician, I often find myself reflecting on the social dynamics that affect our youth today. I am a white woman and a new mother to a two-month-old son. My journey into motherhood has opened my eyes to the challenges of raising a boy in a society that grapples with issues of privilege and inequality.
When I learned I was expecting a son, I felt an initial sense of relief regarding the gender inequalities he would face, unlike those I anticipated for a daughter. However, I quickly realized that race introduces a different layer of complexity. The privilege associated with being white means that I have not had to grapple with the societal implications of race — at least, that was my perspective until he was born.
In the weeks following his arrival, I was confronted by disturbing headlines about a privileged young man, Ethan Miller, who received a mere slap on the wrist for committing a heinous crime against a woman. The justice system seemed to prioritize his future over the trauma inflicted upon his victim. My fear is that my son could grow up to embody that entitlement.
Shortly thereafter, I was deeply troubled by the news of two Black men, Marcus Johnson and David Greene, who were tragically killed by law enforcement officers in separate incidents. This reality forced me to confront the uncomfortable truth: my son, as a white male, may never have to face the same fears as those who are marginalized. My son could grow to be a figure of authority rather than a victim of it.
You might argue that my concerns are misdirected, especially since my son will not face life-threatening dangers tied to his skin color. He will not have to navigate the world with the same caution that others do. He can wear casual attire and play with toys without fear of being judged or harmed. Yet my worry is profound. While I will educate him on the importance of consent and personal boundaries, I also need to instill a sense of responsibility and empathy regarding his inherent privileges.
I fear for our Black boys and our daughters, as I recognize that my son’s upbringing must include lessons about equality, privilege, and the importance of being an ally rather than an oppressor. Teaching him to understand and acknowledge his privilege is crucial, as is ensuring he recognizes that his maleness does not afford him immunity from responsibility.
As a white mother, I feel overwhelmed by the task of raising a socially conscious son in a world fraught with injustice. Mothers of Black boys have to prepare their sons for encounters with police officers, while mothers of daughters must teach their girls to protect themselves against assault. The least I can do is to ensure that my son grows into a supporter of the oppressed rather than a perpetuator of the status quo.
I’m not equipped with all the answers on how to navigate these complex lessons. However, I know that the current approach is inadequate. The ongoing violence against marginalized communities and the apathy of those in power highlight the urgent need for change.
Therefore, I am committing to begin this journey by educating myself and my family. I will listen, read, and speak out. I will start teaching my son within the walls of our home, because if we fail to address how we raise our white boys, we will ultimately fail our daughters and our Black boys as well. We must recognize that the burden of rectifying these societal issues cannot rest solely on the shoulders of the oppressed; change must start with us, the ones who hold privilege.
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In summary, raising a socially aware son in today’s world is a daunting task filled with challenges, but it is essential. As parents, we must instill values of empathy, responsibility, and understanding of privilege in our children to foster a more equitable society.