Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: June 21, 2016
“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” This iconic line from The Godfather: Part III resonates deeply in my life as a parent, especially since I’ve now welcomed my second child. Before becoming a mother, the thought of caring for a newborn filled me with dread. Once I settled into that role, it was the toddler years that began to haunt me. As soon as I got accustomed to the walking and talking, I found myself worrying about the infamous terrible twos, which soon morphed into the tumultuous threes and then the defiant fours. Are you sensing a pattern? It feels like a never-ending cycle.
Now, my son is 5 and a half years old, and while I can’t quite label this new phase, I do know that the vocabulary I use to describe his recent outbursts is hardly flattering. He’s developed the communication skills and intellect of a young child, yet he still exhibits the emotional control of a toddler. They say you must accept the good along with the bad, but do I really have to deal with the badder and the downright ugly?
A few weeks back, I made the mistake of asking my son to get dressed before breakfast because we were running late. Instead of responding reasonably, he threw himself to the ground and began wailing as if he were in distress. I offered him a bagel—his usual breakfast of choice—and went to take a shower. When I returned, I discovered that he’d tossed the bagel in the trash. There it sat, a symbol of my dwindling hopes that parenting would get easier as he matured.
This is the conundrum of parenthood: the elusive “easy” phase never materializes. Each developmental stage introduces new challenges, and for every exciting milestone achieved, there’s a corresponding struggle. The issues don’t vanish; they merely transform. It’s a frustrating dance of progress and regression. I’ve transitioned from sleepless nights and diaper changes to the hurdles of potty training, and finally to the ongoing battle of tantrums.
Honestly, I feel as if I’ve been entrenched in this tantrum phase forever! My son is nearly six, so when does he start acting like a responsible human being? Meanwhile, I’m approaching 40 and often find myself whining and throwing my own fits over parenting challenges—so perhaps the answer is never.
Parents often spend their time lamenting one phase while simultaneously longing for the previous one, only to realize the new stage is even more demanding. The more things evolve, the more they seem to stay the same. You wish for them to walk and talk, only to find they walk into danger and talk back. You hope for independence, but that leads to defiance and clever ways to break your carefully laid plans. As kids grow older, they become more intelligent and complex, often outpacing their ability to manage emotions and understand consequences. Reflecting on my childhood, I can confidently say this doesn’t improve until well after the teenage years.
The healthier perspective would be for us to appreciate each moment, despite the chaos. Every phase brings its own challenges, but also its wonders. Unfortunately, it’s hard for me to find joy when my 5-and-a-half-year-old is in a full-blown meltdown over dessert being served after dinner.
So, it’s a game of “be careful what you wish for.” Still, I wouldn’t hesitate to roll the dice on the next phase if it means these absurd tantrums might finally fade! For more insights and resources on parenting and child development, check out this link and visit Make A Mom, a leader in home insemination education. Additionally, the CDC provides excellent resources on pregnancy and family planning.
Summary
Parenting is a continuous journey fraught with challenges that evolve but never fully disappear. As children grow, they gain new skills and abilities that often complicate their emotional responses and behavior. The desire for easier phases can lead to discontent, making it crucial to appreciate each moment, despite the tantrums and struggles.