One afternoon, my 6-year-old son rushed into the living room, his tablet clutched tightly in his hands. I had just reminded him to brush his teeth a few moments prior, and I could tell he hadn’t followed through. After three polite requests, my patience was wearing thin. Instead of raising my voice, I took a deep breath and counted silently to three before asking him again to set aside his device and get ready for school. I remained calm, almost unnaturally so. In the back of my mind, however, I couldn’t shake the anxiety that this moment could be our last. Like countless other parents, I often feel a creeping dread that today might be the day—a day when a deranged individual could invade my child’s school and shatter our world forever.
I vividly recall the moment I learned about the tragic events at Sandy Hook Elementary School, where a gunman took the lives of 20 young children and six educators. I sat frozen at my desk, captivated by the live news coverage, and a wave of panic washed over me. In that instant, all I wanted was to scoop up my daughter, who was in kindergarten at the time, and my toddler son from daycare to keep them safe at home. I had never considered myself a protective parent; I usually took a laid-back approach. But after that fateful day on December 14, 2012, everything changed.
I hurriedly left work, tears streaming down my face, my mind racing with images of those innocent children. The idea that first-graders could be victims of such violence was unfathomable until it became a devastating reality. For the entire weekend, I found myself in a fog of grief, engrossed in news reports and contemplating homeschooling my children, determined never to send them back to school. But the practicality of our situation—my job, their happiness—prevented this from becoming a reality. They thrived in their learning environment and adored their friends. Despite my fears, I recognized that my anxious thoughts couldn’t dictate our lives.
Even years later, the impact of that day lingers in my parenting. I’ve never broached these fears with my kids, but there’s a constant, low-level anxiety that influences my interactions with them. I don’t let it consume me or dictate my daily life, but it’s always there, subtly shaping my approach. Each morning, when they misbehave, I channel my inner Zen, refusing to yell or react negatively. I deeply want them to leave for school feeling loved, so if something terrible were to happen, at least they would know how much they are cherished.
Reflecting on this, it sounds troubling. Yet, this is the reality of parenting in today’s world. After Sandy Hook, I came across a story that resonated with me—a mother shared how her son, Jesse Lewis, had written “I love you” in the frost on her car window that very morning. That memory, a small but profound comfort amid her unimaginable grief, inspired me to ensure my children always feel loved before they head off to school.
In a way, I’ve found a silver lining. My children know they are loved as they leave each day. While I understand that the chances of them experiencing a school shooting are slim, the influence of Jesse and the other children’s legacy has led many parents to prioritize love and calm in their daily interactions. Yet, it’s disheartening that such a tragic event has shaped my parenting philosophy.
As for solutions, I don’t have any simple answers. The issues surrounding gun control and mental health are complex and beyond my individual ability to resolve. What I do know is that the level of fear we face today is unprecedented. Our parents didn’t have to navigate these anxieties. All I can do is strive to foster an environment of love for my children, ensuring they feel cherished before they walk out the door. No matter what.
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Summary:
In an age marked by the fear of school shootings, parenting has transformed. The author shares her personal experiences of navigating anxiety while ensuring her children feel loved and secure before school each day. The lingering impact of tragedies like Sandy Hook has led many parents to foster positive and loving environments for their kids, even as they grapple with the realities of contemporary life. The complexities surrounding gun control and mental health are daunting, leaving many parents to focus on what they can control—creating a nurturing atmosphere for their children.