By Dr. Emily Parker
Dear 3-year-old,
I adore you beyond measure—like the vastness of space and the depth of the ocean. But we need to have a serious discussion about something important: your pants.
Yes, pants! Those essential pieces of clothing that play a vital role in our day-to-day lives.
What are pants, you ask? Well, they are these delightful garments that everyone wears for a variety of reasons, such as:
- Keeping warm
- Ensuring comfort
- Maintaining modesty
- Upholding hygiene
- Considering the comfort of others around you
- Following societal norms
You have a whole drawer filled with options to cover up those adorable legs of yours. Whether it’s long pants, shorts, jeans, or sweatpants, I honestly don’t mind what you choose as long as it’s something. I don’t care about color coordination or if you wear socks; those details are negotiable. After years of parenting, I’ve learned to pick my battles wisely.
However, the requirement for pants is non-negotiable.
I’ve seen you strut around the grocery store as a superhero and play at the park dressed as a fairy. I understand that you’re trying to express yourself and assert your independence. I get it! But we need to find a way for you to do all that while wearing pants.
Imagine if I wandered around in public without pants—I’d be in big trouble fast! You need to wear pants at Target, the library, and especially at the playground (trust me, wood chips are not kind to bare skin!).
I used to joke about your penchant for nudity, but it’s become a real issue. For nearly a year now, when I mention pants, it’s like I’ve declared war. You wake up early, enjoy your freedom, and completely ignore my pleas to get dressed. Then, when we’re finally upstairs, the tantrum ensues. It’s a scene: you’re screaming, crying, and carrying on as if your pants were magically ablaze. This can last from 30 minutes to three hours, and I often find myself in a wrestling match just to get pants on your little legs.
This struggle is draining. I’d gladly negotiate about shirts or shoes, but pants? That’s where I draw the line.
I love you dearly, but I love you even more when you’re wearing pants.
With love,
Your weary mother (who appreciates the comfort of yoga pants)
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Summary:
In this heartfelt letter to her child, Dr. Emily Parker humorously discusses the necessity of wearing pants, emphasizing the various reasons behind this essential garment. She reflects on the challenges of getting her toddler to comply, while expressing her love and the importance of navigating personal expression within societal norms. The struggle with pants is a metaphor for the broader parenting journey, highlighting the balance between independence and rules.