As a physician and a parent, I understand the incredible demands of raising children. My partner, Mark, rises at the crack of dawn each day to catch a train into the city, where he dedicates himself to teaching high school science. When he returns home, I often hand off our energetic little boys to him while I wrap up dinner preparations. After we eat, I retreat to my workspace, leaving him to handle bedtime routines, including getting the kids into their pajamas and reading them stories.
Sounds like a great guy, right? I certainly think he’s attractive, and seeing him in the role of a devoted father makes him even more appealing. Here’s the kicker: this hardworking man doesn’t just clock out of parenting when night falls. He’s right there with me during those sleepless hours when the kids need attention, and he has been from the start.
In our household, sleep disturbances are a regular occurrence. Whether it’s our infants who need comforting, toddlers asking for another drink, or older kids dealing with nightmares, Mark wakes up to help as much as I do. And frankly, this should be the norm for all dads and partners. If you’ve had a child together or are responsible for a child in any capacity, both parents should share the nighttime duties.
I often hear the excuses: “He works so hard; he needs his rest.” I get it, yet let’s be honest here: all parents are working hard. Whether you’re juggling a job outside the home, working remotely, or managing the home full-time, it’s exhausting work. So, why does it always seem like the mother is expected to handle the nighttime chaos alone?
The answer lies in outdated gender norms and beliefs. This is not just a personal issue but a societal one. Even in families where moms and dads believe in equality, some men still cling to the idea that nighttime parenting is primarily the mother’s responsibility. This mindset is not just unfair; it’s detrimental to the partnership.
I recognize that sometimes children have a preference for their mothers, especially when breastfeeding. I experienced this with my own children, who often sought me out at night. However, Mark stepped in for diaper changes, midnight illnesses, and those bewildering nights when our kids just wouldn’t settle down. Without sharing these nighttime responsibilities, I would have likely succumbed to sleep deprivation—or worse, it could have put a strain on our marriage.
There are many fantastic dads out there who understand that parenting is a round-the-clock job and are willing to share the load. But there are still too many who firmly believe that nighttime duties are not their problem. To those dads, I say: Absolutely not. That’s not acceptable.
And to the moms enduring this imbalance: Stand up for yourselves. Parenting is demanding and exhausting, and if you didn’t realize this before, you certainly do now. Some families are lucky to have children who sleep well, while others are not so fortunate, but the responsibility for addressing nighttime wake-ups should not fall solely on the shoulders of mothers.
When dads take on nighttime responsibilities, not only do they deepen their bond with their children, but they also contribute to a more harmonious household. A well-rested partner is far less likely to be irritable or overwhelmed, which benefits everyone involved.
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In summary, it’s crucial for all parents to share the nighttime parenting responsibilities. By doing so, you foster a better family dynamic and create stronger connections with your children and partner.