At the age of 15, I experienced my first panic attack. A walk home with a friend unexpectedly turned terrifying as I suddenly found myself paralyzed on the ground, unable to speak or breathe. My vision narrowed, and I couldn’t control my shaking hands. In that moment, I truly believed I was on the brink of death. My friend rushed to inform my parents, who quickly arrived to find me curled up against a tree in a fetal position. That night was filled with tears, vomiting, and hyperventilation—an experience that still stands out as one of the most harrowing of my life.
In the months that followed, I had two more panic attacks that required hospitalization, only to be told by the emergency room doctors that I was “fine.” But I wasn’t fine; I was grappling with an anxiety disorder. Since then, panic has been a recurring theme in my life. I’ve sought therapy and tried various mood-stabilizing medications. While some treatments have helped reduce the frequency of my attacks, nothing has been as effective for managing them as marijuana.
I find that I turn to marijuana during particularly stressful periods—some months, that might mean daily use, while other times, I might go six months without needing it. As I’ve grown older, my reactions to traditional pharmaceuticals have diminished, leading me to rely more on marijuana for various health issues. For instance, narcotic painkillers tend to heighten my anxiety, so I use marijuana to address pain stemming from back and shoulder injuries. Sleep aids often leave me groggy and induce nightmares, but marijuana helps me sleep without those side effects.
I utilize a device known as a “one hitter,” which delivers just the right amount of smoke—typically two puffs—to alleviate my anxiety, pain, or insomnia. On particularly difficult days, I might use it up to three times to combat both anxiety and pain.
Since medical marijuana was only recently legalized in my state, I’m careful about how I obtain it. Friends who have medical marijuana licenses in other states assist me in sourcing it, as I am not familiar with drug dealers. As a work-from-home mom with three young children, I simply don’t have that aspect in my life.
When people discover that I use marijuana for medicinal purposes, they usually respond with understanding. I explain, “I have a panic disorder, and marijuana is effective for my anxiety attacks.” The people closest to me care about my well-being, so they appreciate that I am taking steps to manage my health, even if they sometimes express concern about the legality of my choice.
I am looking forward to obtaining a medical marijuana license as soon as possible. Both my doctor and I recognize that it is a viable treatment for my condition. However, we find ourselves waiting for state legislators to include my specific conditions in the approved list for marijuana treatment. It’s frustratingly arbitrary; for example, if I were a combat veteran, my anxiety disorder would already be covered.
I consider myself fortunate to live in a region where I can use marijuana without fearing for my safety or career. While it may not be fully legal, the laws surrounding it are somewhat lenient. I find myself in a gray area of marijuana accessibility, and as regulations continue to evolve, I move closer to obtaining my medical license.
Each time I feel the familiar signs of an oncoming panic attack—blurred vision and a racing heart—I recall that initial experience. I reach for my one hitter, take my two puffs, and the anxiety subsides. The existence of something that can alleviate my panic attacks gives me immense peace of mind. The knowledge that I can avoid sleepless nights filled with anguish and trembling allows me to live a better and safer life.
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Summary:
In summary, marijuana has significantly improved my quality of life by effectively managing my anxiety disorder and other health issues. As I continue to navigate the complexities of mental health and treatment options, I am grateful for the relief that marijuana provides, allowing me to live a more fulfilling life as a parent and professional.