By: Emily Thompson
March 23, 2023
The postpartum period can be overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. After the arrival of my fourth child, I found myself in a situation that many new mothers face: unexpected visits from well-meaning friends and family. It’s as if there’s a universal assumption that the moment a baby is born, the new mother is eager to show off her little one and entertain guests. But let’s be honest—who really wants to host visitors when they are navigating the complexities of recovery and bonding with their newborn?
After the birth of my fourth child, I still received unsolicited requests to come see the baby. Despite the wealth of information available about supporting postpartum women, the notion that new mothers should open their doors to guests persists. During this time, mothers undergo significant physical and emotional changes, and the last thing they need is the added stress of entertaining visitors.
While I appreciated the support of my community—particularly the meals delivered to my doorstep—it became increasingly clear that not all forms of help were welcome. I realized that many mothers feel pressured to accept visits, fearing they would offend someone by saying no. It took me several experiences to understand that I was not obligated to host guests. The pressure often stems from traditional expectations that can overshadow a mother’s need for rest and recovery.
Two factors helped me establish boundaries: my background in doula training and a personal health challenge. My doula training emphasized the importance of protecting the bonding time between mother and baby. I witnessed firsthand how intrusive visitors could disrupt this crucial period, leading to stress and fatigue for the new mother.
Additionally, I faced my own health challenges after my third child, which taught me the importance of self-care and setting boundaries. I became adept at saying “no” to requests that didn’t align with my needs. Each “yes” to unwanted visitors was a “no” to the precious time I wanted to spend with my newborn.
In the midst of postpartum chaos, I was determined to savor every moment with my newest addition. I learned to communicate my needs clearly and set limits around visits. For those who reached out, I offered a polite response that conveyed my current focus: “Thank you for your interest! I’m prioritizing rest and bonding time with my baby. Can we plan a future visit?”
It’s essential for new mothers to remember that they don’t have to please everyone during this critical time. Taking care of oneself and enjoying the early days of motherhood should take precedence. If you’re navigating the postpartum period, do yourself a favor: eliminate people-pleasing from your agenda.
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In summary, postpartum recovery is a vital time for both mother and baby. It’s important to prioritize self-care, establish boundaries with visitors, and embrace the intimate moments that come with newborn care.