For new parents, the concept of a date night becomes a delicate balancing act involving two precious resources: time and money. Add to that the pressure of high expectations, and it can feel overwhelming. When you factor in all the preparation and travel time, not to mention the mental gymnastics of worrying about whether your child is being properly cared for by a potentially distracted babysitter, it’s no surprise that many parents find themselves yearning for a bit of simplicity instead.
“Go out and have some fun!” friends often encourage. “You deserve a break!” they say, as if a single night of revelry can erase the exhaustion of parenthood. But my partner and I found ourselves rarely venturing out before our little one hit the one-year mark, and only then did we attempt to revive our pre-baby social lives with elaborate date nights.
These outings were meant to be indulgent, featuring fancy dinners in establishments with linen napkins and no trace of mac and cheese on the menu. We’d dress up, perhaps even donning a dress that didn’t allow for spontaneous breastfeeding (unless that’s your style). One time, we even booked a night at a glittering downtown hotel. However, every experience left me feeling unfulfilled.
I’d find myself calculating the opportunity costs of menu items—like realizing that ordering a fancy appetizer could equate to buying several packs of baby wipes. The music at live shows felt overwhelmingly loud, and instead of dancing, my thoughts drifted to mundane concerns, like whether my grocery coupons would work at the local store. I even pondered if I could snag a quick nap in a quiet corner of the bar (I didn’t, but the urge was there). As the drinks flowed, I realized that I was too out of practice to truly enjoy myself.
The mornings after these escapades were filled with regret—both financial and emotional. Did I really age two decades in just a year? After spending so long in “parent mode,” it takes time to readjust to the louder environments of nightlife. The same goes for your alcohol tolerance and your ability to wear anything other than comfy shoes.
On top of that, the hyper-alertness that comes with being a parent makes it hard to relax. While I used to scan the room for potential hazards for my baby, doing the same at a bar left my nerves frayed. Instead, I discovered that there are more low-key ways to unwind that can be just as fulfilling—like taking an evening stroll, watching a movie at home, or visiting a nearby tiki bar. Allowing oneself to take it easy isn’t a failure; it’s a necessary step in navigating the challenges of parenthood.
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Summary
In the whirlwind of new parenthood, the notion of an extravagant date night may seem appealing but often leads to more stress than enjoyment. Alternatives like quiet evenings at home or casual outings can provide the relaxation parents need without the pressure of high expectations. Embracing simplicity can often be more rewarding than the elaborate nights out we think we want.