Dear Little One,
From the moment I first sensed your presence, I knew my life would never be the same. It was a June morning, and as I awoke feeling congested and drained, an unexpected metallic taste lingered in my mouth. Soon, a tightening in my abdomen confirmed what I hoped: you were there. That day, the home pregnancy test validated my instinct, and in that instant, I felt an overwhelming surge of excitement and protectiveness for you.
As you developed within me, I experienced a cascade of firsts: the moment I heard your heartbeat, those delightful hiccups, your first gentle flutters, and the day I could see your kicks from the outside. I was present for each significant milestone—your first labor pains, the first push, and those precious first breaths. You were, and still are, an integral part of me.
Now that you’ve celebrated your first birthday, I find myself reflecting on the past year and the myriad of firsts we’ve shared. It’s become clear to me that while I will forever cherish those moments, they don’t belong solely to me. Just like you, those experiences are shared.
At first, I struggled to share you with anyone other than your father. Each time someone else held you or played with you, my heart raced with anxiety. Were they gentle enough? Were they doing it “right”? As you began spending time with Grandma while I returned to work, the fear of being replaced crept in. I realized that while I was present for many firsts, I also missed some, and it was hard to let go.
Learning to share you has been my greatest challenge as a mother. Balancing the urge to protect you with the need to let others in has been a difficult journey, but one that has enriched both our lives. Watching you explore the world and form connections with others brings me joy, knowing that keeping my heart open allows you to experience more happiness.
I will always hold our firsts close to my heart, as they are ours alone, yet I understand they are part of a larger tapestry of your life. As you grow more independent, I know it will be a continual process to accept that you are not solely mine. Each day brings us further from that time when all your firsts were intertwined with my own.
For now, you remain my baby in every sense, and I will cherish this time as long as you will let me. Your first moments will always be a special part of my existence, and I look forward to watching you thrive in this world.
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In summary, my dear child, I will always treasure our shared firsts, and while it may be hard to let others into your life, I am learning to embrace this journey together.