7 Unhelpful Remarks to Avoid When Supporting Someone Facing Infertility

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Navigating the journey of trying to conceive can be incredibly challenging. As someone who spent 18 arduous months attempting to bring a child into the world, I can attest to the emotional rollercoaster it entails. While I ultimately found success, the struggles I faced during that time were far from easy.

It all began with numerous visits to a reproductive endocrinologist, undergoing various tests that were anything but enjoyable. One memorable procedure involved injecting radiographic dye into my fallopian tubes—definitely not a highlight. Eventually, we discovered my partner, Mark, needed to make some lifestyle adjustments to improve his sperm count, which ultimately led to our much-anticipated pregnancy.

Reflecting on that journey, I recall the intense feelings of frustration and jealousy, especially when friends around me conceived without difficulty. However, what weighed heavily on my heart were the countless unsolicited comments and advice I received from well-meaning individuals.

If you know someone struggling with infertility, it’s crucial to choose your words carefully. Here are seven phrases to steer clear of:

  1. Just relax. It might seem harmless, but this phrase is often unhelpful. During the month I finally became pregnant, I was under immense stress due to the possibility of IVF looming over us. Telling someone to relax can feel dismissive of their very real emotional turmoil.
  2. Being pregnant is overrated anyway. While it’s true that pregnancy can be uncomfortable, saying this to someone longing for a baby is insensitive. Those who yearn to be parents are often willing to endure any hardship to achieve that dream.
  3. Maybe you’re just not meant to have kids right now. This notion that “everything happens for a reason” can be incredibly hurtful. Sometimes, fertility issues are purely biological, and it doesn’t mean that someone isn’t destined to become a parent.
  4. This diet or vitamin will solve your problems. While certain lifestyle changes can enhance fertility, they should be discussed with a healthcare professional. Offering random advice about diets or supplements can be more frustrating than helpful.
  5. Perhaps you should stop trying. Similar to the “just relax” comment, this suggestion is misguided. There’s no evidence to support that “giving up” increases the chances of conceiving.
  6. I get pregnant just by looking at my partner. Remarks like these, even if intended as jokes, can sting. They inadvertently highlight the pain of infertility and aren’t necessary to share.
  7. You could always adopt. Adoption is a beautiful option for many, but it’s a deeply personal choice that should not be casually suggested. You never know where someone is in their journey, so it’s best to let them navigate that path in their own time.

It’s important for those facing fertility challenges to have a supportive environment. Listen to them, offer your shoulder to cry on, and understand that they need empathy more than unsolicited advice. You don’t have to provide solutions, as most fertility issues are medical and best handled by professionals.

If you’re currently in the midst of this struggle, remember that your feelings of sadness, frustration, and anxiety are valid. It’s a tough road, but you’re stronger than you realize, and regardless of the outcome, you will come through this.

For further insights into fertility challenges, be sure to check out other posts like this one on Cervical Insemination. For at-home insemination needs, Make a Mom is a reputable source for fertility-boosting products. Additionally, for in-depth information on fertility treatments, the Genetics and IVF Institute offers valuable resources.

In summary, choose your words wisely when supporting those dealing with infertility. A little compassion can go a long way.

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