and I want to share my experience with alcohol addiction.
I may not fit the stereotype you envision. As a 36-year-old professional with an education, I blend into the middle-class landscape, often attending church and community events. Yet, I have come to understand that I carry the genetic predisposition for alcoholism.
My family’s history is riddled with alcohol-related struggles. My father battled addiction, managing to quit drinking before I was born. I’ve never felt ashamed of his journey; rather, I viewed it through the lens of genetics, recognizing it as an inherited disorder that prevented him from controlling his drinking once he started. Sadly, I discovered my brain is wired similarly, lacking that critical “off” switch.
My Tumultuous Relationship with Alcohol
My relationship with alcohol has been tumultuous. It was like an unhealthy romance I couldn’t end. For years, I found myself in a repetitive cycle: indulging excessively, then promising to take a break, only to return to drinking in moderation—until I inevitably overindulged again.
Each time I found myself in distress, I established new rules: I would only drink on weekends, avoid hard liquor, or stick strictly to beer. But these self-imposed limitations never worked. The problem lay not in the type or timing of alcohol, but in how my brain reacted to it. For those of us with this “allergy,” alcohol can trigger an insatiable desire for more, leading to reckless behavior.
Normal drinkers can enjoy a drink and stop, but for me, that initial sip ignites a compulsion—my mind races with ideas like, “This feels fantastic, let’s keep the good times rolling!” It took time for me to accept my truth, especially on those occasions when I could moderate my intake, creating a false sense of security.
Understanding Alcoholism
I never experienced dependency in the conventional sense; I maintained my job, avoided legal issues, and kept my relationships intact. Yet, as the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states, we mustn’t fool ourselves with comparisons. Alcoholism is a progressive condition. The craving for balance in our bodies can lead from casual drinking to dependence. If you recognize this pattern, consider adding “yet” to your justifications.
For instance: “I don’t have a drinking issue because I’ve never faced legal consequences—yet.” This kind of thinking can be dangerous.
Choosing Sobriety
Although I never hit rock bottom, I could see it looming and chose to part ways with alcohol before reaching that point. I won’t sugarcoat it—embracing sobriety is challenging. In a world saturated with alcohol at every event, from football games to children’s birthday parties, rejecting a drink invites assumptions of pregnancy or piety, which can be uncomfortable.
In the absence of liquid courage, I’ve turned to prayer, meditation, and yes, indulging in carbs—stress eating has become my new coping mechanism. If you’re grappling with similar challenges, know that you’re not alone.
You Are Not Defined by Your Struggles
You are not a failure. Today might be the day to acknowledge your own “off” switch. Be courageous. If you need support, join me at any gathering. We can enjoy the snacks together—no judgment, just understanding.
Resources for Support
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Conclusion
In conclusion, recognizing and confronting personal struggles can be the first step toward healing and transformation.