“How old is your little one?” a woman slightly older than me asked as I placed an assortment of energy bars into my shopping cart, already eyeing a couple as my reward for finally getting the baby to sleep that afternoon.
“Almost three months,” I replied, blinking at the bright lights and instinctively rubbing my eyes—only to remember that I hadn’t glanced in a mirror since leaving home. It was a chaotic morning of getting the baby ready, and in the whirlwind, I completely neglected myself.
The woman nodded knowingly and said, “Ah, you’re in the 100 Days of Darkness,” before commenting on how adorable my baby looked.
The term “100 Days of Darkness” has resonated with me ever since. While I’ve encountered various expressions to describe the experience of new parenthood, none have captured the full essence quite like this one. My mother asked if I had emerged from “the fog” yet, and a month later, a cheerful cashier remarked, “Great age! He’s finally becoming human now.” Both statements aptly portray the whirlwind of emotions and chaos that accompany the initial months of motherhood, but the “100 Days of Darkness”? That phrase sums it up entirely:
- The fear of being solely responsible for this tiny human’s well-being.
- The hormonal rollercoaster that engulfs you in a whirlwind of feelings: anxiety, guilt, joy, sadness, pride, and sometimes even rage—often flipping from one to the next in mere seconds.
- The relentless fatigue that makes you question how you ever complained about being tired before.
- The significant changes in your relationship dynamics. In fact, I initially typed “the seismic shift in your relationship” and then realized I’d actually meant “seismic shit.” Both aptly describe the challenges we faced during those early weeks. Navigating communication amidst a crying baby was a dark adventure indeed.
- The unexpected bouts of loneliness that can strike at any hour, not just during the dreaded 3 a.m. feedings.
- Endless hours spent feeding while your body tries to adapt to an entirely new reality.
- The surprising moments of boredom that creep in during the chaos.
- The wild unpredictability of diaper blowouts, constant crying, and the inability to eat, sleep, or even shower in peace. You may have heard it all before, but experiencing it is a different story altogether.
- The realization that your life has transformed irrevocably, and you must figure out how to reinsert yourself into the world. Finding time for friends, exercise, reading, or even pursuing a new hobby feels impossible.
How did we survive those early months? Though it all feels like a blur now, I believe we got through it by soaking in smiles, sharing laughter, and relying on endless cups of coffee. We binge-watched comedies, cherished fleeting perfect moments, and learned when to confront each other and when to walk away. Amidst emotional outbursts, we exchanged apologies and expressions of gratitude. Most importantly, we aimed to find humor in the situation.
It’s crucial to note that these struggles don’t magically vanish when you hit day 101—so don’t start counting down! But the cliché rings true: it does get easier. The good days gradually start to outnumber the challenging ones. The baby will eventually stop crying and begin to smile, and those smiles will warm your heart in ways you never thought possible. The anxiety lessens, feeding becomes more manageable, your relationship begins to stabilize, and you start to feel like your new self again—albeit a different version. Those dark days will fade, sometimes giving way to an unexpected thought: Should we consider having another?
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Summary
The initial months of parenthood can feel overwhelming, often described as the “100 Days of Darkness.” This period is marked by emotional turmoil, relationship adjustments, and the challenges of caring for a newborn. While these struggles don’t disappear overnight, they do ease with time, allowing parents to find joy in the little moments.