This is the reality of postpartum depression:
Dr. Sarah Thompson
Postpartum depression and anxiety can manifest in unexpected ways, often hidden behind a seemingly perfect facade. I certainly found that to be true.
My birthing experience was remarkable, yet it wasn’t long before I felt overwhelmed. The moment our charming son arrived, he was inconsolable, crying relentlessly until I reluctantly opted to send him to the nursery after just four hours—something I never thought I’d do—just to catch a few moments of sleep after nearly a full day awake. (Hello, mom guilt.)
Within a week of sleepless nights, overwhelming frustration, and an alarming drop in his weight, we discovered he was having trouble transferring milk effectively. This meant I had to start exclusively pumping to ensure he received enough nutrition. Those initial weeks were a whirlwind of exhaustion and emotion. I was constantly waking him every two hours to feed while trying to squeeze in sleep amidst the chaos—it was a fog of anxiety and fatigue. The thought of not breastfeeding traditionally had never occurred to me, and I needed to mourn that loss.
Just two weeks postpartum, I took an online screening for postpartum depression and failed it miserably. I brushed it off, thinking that everyone must struggle during those early days. I found myself crying almost daily until he reached three weeks old. I had no idea what was considered “normal,” but I certainly didn’t feel like myself. Fear consumed me, and my previously dormant panic attacks returned with a vengeance, leaving me feeling fragile and on the verge of breaking.
Despite having faced many challenges throughout my life—like addressing large groups, mentoring at-risk youth, and engaging in outreach efforts—I found parenthood to be the toughest challenge I’d ever faced.
Well-meaning friends often asked questions that only deepened my guilt. “Aren’t you having the best time?” or “Isn’t it just wonderful?” I loved my son fiercely, but I was still getting to know him and adjusting to this new version of myself. I watched as my peers adjusted seamlessly to motherhood, which only added to my feelings of isolation and guilt.
During my six-week checkup, there was no screening for postpartum depression, and my midwife dismissed my concerns. I reached out to several counselors, but none accepted my insurance, which left me feeling defeated. While I confided in my husband, I kept my struggles hidden from everyone else—my mom and best friend included. The guilt was unbearable. I believed that experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety meant I was a bad mother, that I didn’t love my baby enough, and the shame of that belief was paralyzing. I didn’t recognize postpartum mood disorders as a legitimate illness, viewing them instead as personal failures.
It wasn’t until I was four months postpartum that I finally sought help from a counselor. I was relieved to share my experiences with those closest to me, who responded with love and support. I adjusted my work schedule to find a balance between my old self and the new responsibilities of parenthood, which made a significant difference. Connecting with other new mothers also proved invaluable; their support was a lifeline. Additionally, I began medication, which was the right choice for me. It took nearly six months before the fog started lifting, but I can genuinely say I now cherish parenthood. I’m filled with joy and feel equipped to handle the challenges of this new chapter in my life.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone. Parenting is incredibly challenging, but you are a wonderful mother doing an amazing job. It does get easier. You will find your rhythm, and your baby will become less of a mystery. With time, joy will return, alongside date nights and restful sleep. Remember, you are not alone.
Mothers experiencing postpartum anxiety and depression are truly remarkable. They love deeply, feel intensely, and sometimes overthink. They are heroes for getting out of bed each day. If this resonates with you, don’t hesitate to seek help. Imagine if you had a broken leg but refused to see a doctor, believing that it was a personal failure. That would be absurd. Postpartum mood disorders are serious conditions and require attention just like any physical ailment.
You are going to be okay. You are loved. You are indeed a wonderful mother. For additional insights, check out our other blog post here or explore resources like those at Make a Mom and Parents.
Summary:
Postpartum depression and anxiety can be a hidden struggle for many new mothers. Despite a joyful birthing experience, feelings of overwhelm, guilt, and fear can arise, often exacerbated by societal expectations. Seeking help is crucial, as these feelings are not a reflection of one’s motherhood and can be treated effectively. Building a support network and recognizing that you’re not alone can make a significant difference in the journey of motherhood.