Last weekend, I took my little ones for bagels after swim class, and as we approached the front of the line, my toddler spotted some cookies displayed at the counter. I braced myself for the inevitable.
“Cookie!” he exclaimed, his finger pointing wildly. “Cookie! COOKIE!”
I took a deep breath and calmly explained that a bagel layered with cream cheese was indulgent enough for 10 a.m. After all, it was breakfast time, and there would be cookies another day. Unsurprisingly, he was not pleased. Shaking his head, he began to scream “No!” with all his might. Trouble was brewing.
Then, out of nowhere, a hand appeared from behind the counter, presenting a giant, sprinkle-coated cookie. “Here,” the shop owner smiled, handing it to my son. “Have a cookie on the house.”
Now, I found myself in a rather awkward situation. I don’t usually reward my children for whining and tantrums. Being the second child, my son has a tendency to cry, and I often check that he’s not bleeding before returning my focus to more pressing matters (like mentally recapping the latest episode of my favorite show). If I say no to a cookie, it’s typically a non-negotiable decision.
However, I’m also not keen on getting into a standoff with kind-hearted strangers, no matter how misguided their intentions might be. The moment that cookie was handed over, it escalated the situation from mildly annoying to a full-blown CODE RED. If I took that cookie away, my son would have erupted into a tantrum so epic it would surely be trending on social media the next day—especially with a line of bagel enthusiasts watching.
Sure, these aren’t the best reasons to sidestep my parenting duties, but after a morning of wrangling two kids in and out of swimsuits, lifting my 30-pound toddler during circle time, and chasing him around the locker room—all while clad in only a towel—I was completely spent. So, my son kept the cookie, and I opted for silence.
Sometimes, that’s just how the cookie crumbles.
But to all the well-meaning strangers out there, I have a simple request: Please trust that I have this parenting thing under control. If you see one of my kids melting down in a cereal aisle or throwing a fit at Target, know that, as their mother, I have a plan—even if that plan is just not collapsing into a pool of tears myself.
I understand your desire to help. However, if you spot me with a whining child, please refrain from doing any of the following:
- Offering him a lollipop, cookie, or any other treat while saying something like, “Here you go, kid. Sorry your mom is such a mean, fun-hating harpy.”
- Telling my daughter that “if you’re good, dear, your Mommy will buy you that overpriced Frozen merchandise.”
- Giving me disapproving glares as if you’re ready to call Child Protective Services because I won’t let my toddler have a shiny tub of foot powder he yanked off the drugstore shelf.
No matter how well-intentioned you may be, interfering with my parenting only complicates things for everyone involved. It prevents me from setting clear boundaries, and it teaches my kids that if they scream loud enough, they can get their way. If you really want to offer assistance, a sympathetic smile would be far more appreciated. It helps me maintain my sanity while being berated by a 2-year-old with cookie aspirations.
Or better yet, when the kids aren’t watching, hand me that cookie. Because unlike my pint-sized negotiators, I’ve genuinely earned it.
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In summary, while I appreciate the kindness of strangers, it’s essential to respect the boundaries of parenting. Offering unsolicited rewards can disrupt the consistency that children need to learn appropriate behavior. Your understanding and support are far more valuable than any sugary treat.
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