As a physician and a single mom of two residing in New York City, I often encounter unsolicited comments that can be quite frustrating. Despite my children attending a wonderfully diverse elementary school, I still feel like I stand out. During playdates, I frequently find myself on the receiving end of well-meaning yet misguided remarks. To help others navigate this delicate landscape, I’ve compiled a list of five comments that I wish people would avoid:
1. It must be really tough!
Yes, parenting is indeed challenging. However, that’s true for all parents, whether single or partnered. This kind of generalization only serves to highlight the struggles without offering any support. If you’re aware of the difficulties involved, perhaps consider how you might lend a hand instead of just offering sympathy.
2. I have a great friend I could set you up with.
Let me clarify: my single status is by choice. I’m content with my life as it is, filled with adventures with my kids—like our trips to the park or building forts in the living room. Being single doesn’t equate to being incomplete or sad.
3. Do you ever get time for yourself?
Not often, but thanks for the reminder! I would love to enjoy a peaceful bath or read an entire book in one sitting. Instead of asking about my downtime (or lack thereof), perhaps think about how you might assist in giving me a little break.
4. Are you happy?
This question can feel intrusive and unnecessary. It’s as if you’re questioning the validity of my life choices. Just because I’m a single parent doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. In fact, I find joy in my relationship with myself and my children. And let’s be real: many married people aren’t happy either. Happiness isn’t solely tied to marital status.
5. How did you end up a single mom?
This question often lurks beneath the surface of conversations. While people are curious about my circumstances, the reasons for my single parenthood are personal and not up for discussion unless I choose to share them. Respecting boundaries is crucial.
Being a single mother comes with its own unique set of challenges but also its own joys. If you’re curious or want to support someone in this position, consider checking out resources like March of Dimes for insights into family planning and fertility treatments. For further reading on home insemination, you can visit Intracervical Insemination or learn about fertility boosters at Make a Mom.
In summary, being mindful of the questions we ask and the comments we make can help create a more supportive environment for single mothers.