Dear Dr. Smith,
Recently, my daughter, Lila, expressed a charming thought: she believes God gave her one dimple to keep my kisses safe. At just 5 years old, she’s full of such delightful musings. Her older brother, Jake, is 8 and often surprises me with his insightful observations about life, demonstrating that children at this age can be both adorable and wise. However, Lila, like many little girls, embodies cuteness in its purest form, with her days overflowing with unicorns, pink sparkles, and sweet moments.
Just this morning, Lila inquired about her father’s return from a work trip. “Mommy,” she asked, “when is Daddy coming back from Your Ami?” I gently corrected her, saying, “Actually, sweetheart, he’s in Miami.” But in her mind, “Your Ami” sounded just right. It’s these delightful exchanges that remind me of the innocent joy of childhood.
Yet, I recognize that the simplicity of our relationship may not always last. I hear tales from mothers of tweens and teens who often look back at their once-adorable girls with a sense of nostalgia, warning me, “Just wait…” They foretell of eye rolls and exasperated remarks, like, “I hate you, Mom!” It’s already begun, albeit in smaller doses. Once, Lila shouted from the backseat because I couldn’t retrieve her fallen water bottle while driving. “Mom, you’re the worst! You’re frustrating me! You’re… gisdusting!” Her mispronunciation made it hard to stay upset, even if her words stung.
Moms often shoulder the weight of tired kids, sibling rivalries, and meltdowns. We’re accustomed to being told we’re wrong or foolish, yet we also receive endless love and cuddles from our little ones, moments that we cherish. But I worry about the future, especially given that Lila is growing up in a world filled with social media pressures and expectations. I suspect she will eventually seek out a therapist, and while I believe in the value of such support, it also weighs heavily on me.
I’m not afraid of her discussing my moments of frustration or the dinners I forgot to prepare because I was engrossed in something I love, like writing or spending time with family. What keeps me up at night is the fear that Lila might interpret my occasional shortcomings as reflections of her worth. It’s a rite of passage for many girls to internalize their mothers’ actions, and I want to help her navigate this.
So, Dr. Smith, should Lila find herself in your office lamenting about my love for her, please remind her of all the times I took her to Chuck E. Cheese’s. The chaos, the sensory overload, and the countless hours spent making her smile—these are the true signs of a mother’s love. Kids often overlook the sacrifices we make, the late nights spent working on projects, or the times we cheer them on when they’re frustrated. They tend to remember the moments we falter, like when I forgot to make dinner.
You should also share with her the story of the Lego set, which I believe embodies the essence of a mother’s love. Lila received a Lego Friends Pop Star Tour Bus for Hanukkah, and it took us weeks to assemble. Every time she struggled with a piece, I watched as she fought through her frustration. Eventually, when she wasn’t around, I finished the entire set. Her joy upon discovering it was complete was worth every moment, not just for her happiness in that instant but for her long-term sense of self-worth.
I want Lila to grow up feeling loved and cherished, not just in fleeting moments but enduringly. I hope she can navigate her path with confidence and love for herself far earlier than I did. When she comes to you feeling unloved for reasons that seem trivial, please remind her of the countless experiences I endured for her happiness, from chaotic Chuck E. Cheese outings to assembling intricate Lego sets.
Encourage her to understand that love is not always expressed in grand gestures but often in the quiet, consistent efforts of a mother who cares deeply. Life can be challenging, but she will emerge stronger, and someday she may even find herself in a similar position, nurturing her own children.
Thank you for your help in guiding her through this journey.
Sincerely,
A Caring Mother