My son had just celebrated his fifth birthday—a milestone he truly grasped, reveling in the excitement of no longer being four. “Am I a big boy now, Mommy?” he inquired with wide-eyed anticipation. “Yes, sweetheart. You’re big,” I reassured him.
A few days later, while we were out running errands, a woman at the deli struck up a conversation. “How old is he?” she asked with a warm smile. “I’m 5!” my son declared proudly, embodying the exuberance of a new five-year-old. The woman turned to me, a hint of skepticism in her eyes. “Is he really 5?” she probed. I nodded, brushing off the inquiry since I knew kids can be quirky—my daughter once claimed she was 27 to strangers.
But then the woman ruffled my son’s hair and exclaimed, “Wow, he’s so tiny! Doesn’t your mommy feed you enough?” Her playful tone belied a sharpness that stung. Yes, I’m aware my son is small. I knew she didn’t intend to be rude or to question my parenting. It was merely an observation, albeit one that felt decidedly unwelcome.
After we bought our cheese, I noticed that my son was unusually quiet, failing to greet every passerby with his usual enthusiastic “Hi, what’s your name?” Instead, he looked at me with disappointment, “Mommy, you said I was big.” He had a valid point; I’d spent the week reinforcing his sense of being grown-up, only for a stranger’s comment to undermine that confidence.
While Kyle is 5, he is closer in size to a tall 2-year-old. Size 2T pants fit him comfortably around the waist but are a bit short. I could also say he resembles a short 3-year-old, but you get the idea—he’s small. Despite his size, he is healthy, although his start in life was challenging. Born with complex digestive issues and orphaned shortly after, he received minimal care in his early years. We adopted him just after his third birthday, and on that day, he was severely underweight and malnourished. Since then, I have worked tirelessly to ensure he gets the nutrition he needs.
Kyle is not on the standard growth charts for his age, but he’s holding his own. In the initial months after his adoption, I focused on enriching his meals with calorie-dense foods. Now, he is thriving, even if he remains on the smaller side. I bristle every time someone asks how old he is because the familiar responses—”Wow, he’s a little guy!” or “I thought he was younger”—have become increasingly difficult for him to hear as he grows older and begins to understand the implications of those comments.
If my child were overweight, would people feel comfortable making similar remarks? Would they say, “Wow, look at that hefty one!” or “What are you feeding him?” Society often grapples with body image issues, and while it is generally frowned upon to comment on someone being overweight, pointing out that someone is underweight often goes unchecked.
It’s essential to recognize that comments about anyone’s body—regardless of size—are inappropriate. I know my son is small, but he is also strong. He runs, climbs, and plays ball, although he claims that picking up his toys is “too hard” and tires him out. As he matures, will he surpass his peers in height? Maybe. Will he excel in sports or find his passion elsewhere? I’m rooting for him to be a happy, well-adjusted individual, as that is what truly matters. His potential is not defined by his physical stature.
Yes, I know my son is small. So please, keep your comments—about him or anyone else’s body—to yourself, thank you very much.
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Summary: My son’s recent experience at the deli highlighted the insensitivity surrounding comments on children’s sizes. As a pediatrician and a mother, I understand the importance of fostering positive body image and self-esteem. Regardless of his size, my son is growing and thriving, and society’s perceptions should not define his worth or potential.