A significant transition is set to unfold tomorrow. We will be welcoming a remarkable young woman at Chicago O’Hare International Airport. Our 16-year-old daughter, Lily, has spent the entire summer in France, immersing herself in the culture and family bonds in Lyon. I can’t help but feel that she will return to us transformed.
As we stood in the airport, delaying our farewells, she nervously fished out two envelopes from her bag. One was addressed to “Mom and Dad,” and the other to her brother. Her voice trembled as she spoke, causing my emotions to overflow with tears.
Was Lily truly prepared for this experience?
I embraced her tightly before letting her go. She strode confidently toward the security checkpoint, passport and boarding pass in hand, ready to embrace new adventures in a language and culture that had captivated her imagination since childhood. Born in Germany and having lived in Dubai and London, her passport is a vibrant testament to her journeys and experiences. To my astonishment, as she walked away, she didn’t glance back, disappearing into the bustling crowd of travelers.
While travel was not a novel experience for her, embarking on this journey alone was. Would she feel isolated or overwhelmed, and I wouldn’t be there to comfort her?
When she was just eight, I distinctly remember realizing she wasn’t ready for certain challenges, and neither was I. I can still envision the moment she fell off a pogo stick we had just bought her, her mouth filling with blood from the impact. Her face swelled, turning a deep purple as we rushed her to the emergency room. I held her in the backseat, desperately calling a dentist friend for guidance. The harsh reality of that moment marked a loss of innocence for both of us.
“It’s not fair,” she lamented, blood streaming from her mouth. I tucked the broken half of her tooth into my pocket, hoping it could be salvaged. The ER receptionist, with concern etched on her face, questioned whether our daughter would be okay. I sat there feeling drained, haunted by the image of her injured smile.
That fall taught Lily that life can be unpredictable and harsh. I, too, learned that life doesn’t seek permission to impose its lessons on our children. Following that incident, she lost her fondness for pogo sticks and hesitated to return to her inline skates and bike. As I waved goodbye to her on her bicycle, headed toward high school, I felt a pang of anxiety.
“Be careful!” I called after her.
Was I truly ready for this?
The loss of control felt overwhelming; it challenged the very principles of motherhood. We invest immense effort into protecting our children, from ensuring their safety in car seats to employing parental controls online. We seek to shield them from the harshness of life, holding onto the hope that they can navigate their youth unscathed.
But then, tragedy struck unexpectedly when a cherished classmate of Lily’s took his own life during her freshman year. I wished I could absorb that grief, but instead, I witnessed her grappling with a profound pain that was foreign to her. I longed to be the superhero mom, like Elastigirl from the Incredibles, who could swoop in and save her from distress. Yet, I realized I was powerless.
The illusion of control began to crumble long ago, yet it still lingers, playing tricks on me like a mischievous spirit. Tomorrow, I know a self-sufficient young woman will return home. Interestingly, she did carry along her beloved Big Ears, a stuffed rabbit from her childhood, which offers her a sense of comfort amidst the unpredictability of life.
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Summary
The journey of parenting involves learning to let go and allowing children to embrace their independence. As children grow, parents must confront the reality of relinquishing control while providing support and guidance. Resources are available to help navigate challenges in parenting and conception.