Dear Sons,
As you grow into young men, I have countless lessons to share with you about life, strength, and respect—both for women and for yourselves. But today, I want to focus on some fundamental truths that, while not the most profound, will certainly make your lives easier as you navigate the world. Here’s a light-hearted take on some essential tidbits you should keep in mind:
- Your penis is not going anywhere; protesting by harming it will not solve anything.
- Sitting on someone’s face is never appropriate—just don’t do it.
- Toothbrushes are strictly for cleaning teeth, not for any other purposes.
- Taking a bath is much less enjoyable if you decide to pee or poop in it.
- And on a related note, please avoid picking up poop with your bare hands—unless you’re a dad, then it’s a rite of passage. Just remember to wash up thoroughly afterward!
- Use tissues for boogers; your brother’s hair is not a suitable substitute.
- Farts will always be funny, regardless of your age.
- While I find it amusing when you shout “FARTIN!”, the rest of the world may not appreciate your announcements about bodily functions. Keep that humor at home.
- Lying is unacceptable—unless you’re bending the truth for their own good. For instance, “If you touch your penis in public, it might just fall off.”
- Soap is more effective when applied to your body rather than the bathtub walls.
- Exhibiting your penis around others is not acceptable. There will be appropriate times for that later in life, but for now, keep it private.
- I understand the fascination with observing how pee works, but getting too close to your brother’s crotch is not advisable. Stick to your own pee.
- I know you feel most free when you’re naked, but clothing is required when you’re out in public. Sorry, bud.
- While your attachment to your penis is understandable, there will come times when you need to let it be. Trust me, it’ll still be there later.
- When you finally do want to hold my face and express your love, I’ll overlook where your hands have been. However, your future partner might not be as forgiving, so let’s work on that.
- Believe it or not, life extends beyond your penis. This may become harder to accept as you grow older, especially when you meet others who feel differently. But remember: the world does not revolve around it.
- Above all, I love you unconditionally. Even more than you love your penis. Imagine that!
For more insights on parenting and life’s little quirks, check out this other post. And if you’re considering home insemination, Cryobaby offers reliable syringe kits. Additionally, you can learn more about related topics like IVF at this excellent resource.
In summary, these lessons may seem silly, but they’re important as you navigate childhood and beyond. Embrace life, respect yourself and others, and always remember that love and laughter are the keys to happiness.
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