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SAHMs Can Raise Feminists, Too
by Jessica Harper
Feb. 9, 2016
At first glance, I appear to be the quintessential stay-at-home mom (SAHM). I care for my two young sons, ages 4 and 1, manage the household chores, and handle the various tasks that come with adult life. I even enjoy baking cute cupcakes from time to time.
I appreciate my role within the family and cherish the time spent with my children while maintaining a clean and nurturing home. Yet, I also identify as a feminist and understand the implicit message my boys receive when they see their father heading off to work while their mother remains home engaged in craft projects and reading stories. I have consciously chosen this SAHM lifestyle for the time being, and it’s vital that my sons grasp this understanding.
So, how do I instill in them the values of equality and combat gender stereotypes in a household where their mother is primarily at home?
- Involve Them in Everything
My daily routine consists of numerous chores, errands, and repetitive tasks. Luckily, my kids are capable of helping with many of these activities. I firmly believe in assigning age-appropriate responsibilities around the house. As I tackle laundry, dishes, and dusting, I encourage my oldest son to assist me. While he may sometimes resist or make things more challenging, I remain persistent. I also ensure they help their father with tasks he typically handles, like cooking and vacuuming. - Mind My Words
Whenever I contemplate asking my husband to “look after the kids while I go out,” or feel tempted to grumble about a messy floor while grabbing the broom, I remind myself that my son is absorbing everything I say. I strive to address my husband as the primary caregiver he is and avoid framing household tasks and child-rearing as burdens that I, as a SAHM, must endure. - Introduce Them to Feminism
With a background in education as a former elementary school teacher, I appreciate the value of direct discussions on complex topics. Social-emotional learning can be challenging, yet rewarding. The same goes for conversations about human rights, which may make some adults uneasy. I engage my children in these discussions (ensuring they are age-appropriate) about inequality, stereotypes, and notable feminist leaders. My goal is to equip them with the tools to question societal norms rather than passively accept them. - Use Storytelling
Storytelling is a powerful tool for children, and I weave in important lessons through the tales I share. I often create narratives featuring a diverse array of characters: stay-at-home dads, female engineers, and brave princesses who fight dragons. Since these stories are personal creations, I can explore limitless adventures while teaching valuable lessons about gender roles. - Challenge Generalizations
My oldest son, who is now 4, loves to create “rules” about the world: “Mommy looks like this, so all girls must look like this.” When he makes sweeping generalizations, I make it a point to challenge them with counter-examples. For instance, when he inquires, “Do only dads work with computers?” I respond with a resounding “no” and share stories of women who excel in technology, just like his father. - Build a Supportive Community
I seek the support of other adults and older role models, such as teenagers and family friends. Engaging in conversations about gender equality and stereotypes with various people enriches not only my children’s understanding but also benefits the adults involved.
There are no guarantees in parenting, but we all strive to do our best with the resources we have. Despite my choice to be a SAHM, I hope I am successfully raising boys who will not conform to traditional gender roles or expect others to do so based solely on gender. If you’re interested in more insights, check out this resource on home insemination for additional information! Also, Make A Mom offers valuable tools for aspiring parents. For a deeper dive into pregnancy and home insemination, CCRM IVF provides excellent content.
Summary
This article discusses how stay-at-home moms can raise their sons to be feminists amidst traditional gender roles. The author shares practical strategies such as involving children in household chores, being mindful of language, teaching about feminism, using storytelling to challenge stereotypes, questioning generalizations, and building a supportive community. The aim is to foster an understanding of gender equality and encourage critical thinking in children.