Dear Alex, my firstborn,
Here we are, you navigating the space between boyhood and manhood, and me observing you with such intensity. This journey is challenging, perhaps more so for me than for you. If I’m truthful, the most significant aspect of being your mother has been the ability to simply be present, rather than stepping in to do things for you.
With you being my first, we’re discovering many milestones together. It feels nothing like that first night I brought you home, where I struggled to nurse you while both of us were clueless. Nor does it remind me of that frantic moment when you fell and scraped your knee for the first time—I’ve never run so fast!
We navigated those initial experiences with minimal distress, and eventually, we found our rhythm. But as we face new challenges, my heart and hands are intertwined with yours, and I’m reminded how much I miss being able to do things for you physically, even during those exhausting early days when your complete reliance on me felt overwhelming.
Back then, I could hold your hand and keep you safe with baby gates and a firm voice. But this new phase of life is all-encompassing, and some days it’s hard to breathe. I want the best for you, but I must resist the urge to solve every problem or dictate how you should live your life. I have to let you stumble and make choices, even if I think they are questionable.
You will undoubtedly face failures, make poor decisions, and experience what feels like catastrophic mistakes—everyone goes through this at some point. It’s crucial for your growth that I allow you to navigate these challenges independently. I’ll be here, but I won’t always be able to catch you when you fall. You will have to learn to pick yourself back up and take responsibility for your actions.
My role isn’t to create a cushioned life for you. Instead, I’m here to support you, offer guidance, cheer you on, and love you fiercely. I’m committed to instilling in you a confidence and bravery that comes from letting you explore the world on your own terms. You need the freedom to fly, even though it’s tempting to keep you close.
You will always know what I expect from you, and you’ll never doubt how much you are loved. I’ll shower you with affection like confetti. However, I cannot live your life for you. This is your opportunity, your journey, your responsibility.
I apologize that you have to experience this learning curve with me. I wish I had all the answers and could offer you more. We will both stumble along the way, but that’s part of the process.
So go ahead, embrace life, and make it count. Venture ahead, and know that I’ll be doing my best to let you.
Love,
Mom
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Summary
In this heartfelt letter, a mother reflects on the challenges of parenting her first child as he transitions from boyhood to manhood. She expresses the difficulty of allowing him to navigate life independently while balancing her instinct to protect and guide him. Acknowledging that mistakes are part of growth, she emphasizes her unwavering support and love as he learns to forge his own path.