I need to share something that’s been weighing on me. It’s a pretty significant topic. Wouldn’t it be refreshing if we lived in a society where fathers weren’t celebrated for merely “helping” with their children? Imagine a world where parenting by fathers is seen as standard practice rather than an extraordinary feat.
I recognize that we’re still on the journey toward gender equality. Society continues to grapple with equal rights for women in the professional realm, as many women choose to work outside the home. Historically, men were viewed primarily as providers while women took on caregiving roles, which often meant that fathers were less involved in everyday parenting tasks. This is an evolving dynamic, and while progress has been made, I feel we still have a long way to go.
In my marriage, my partner, Mike, and I thrive together. However, during the busy hours of the day—from 6 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.—we operate as if we are single parents. Sure, weekends and evenings are family time, but weekdays are about dividing up our parenting responsibilities. I handle the morning routine: cooking breakfast, preparing lunches, ensuring the kids brush their teeth, get dressed, and are ready for school. After walking them to school, I return home with the younger ones, keeping them entertained, reading stories, and managing nap times.
At 12:30 p.m., Mike takes the reins. He engages the kids, encouraging outdoor play and inviting neighborhood friends over, which can sometimes feel overwhelming! He manages homework, keeps track of school documents, signs reading logs, and ensures everything is ready for the next day. He feeds the little one, changes diapers, and insists on tidying up before dinner. And yes, he also cooks.
While I truly appreciate Mike’s efforts, it’s important to clarify: this isn’t about “helping.” This is parenting.
People often express surprise at our arrangement, saying things like, “You’re fortunate to have a husband who helps out.” But I remind them that I’m not the only one who chose to have these kids. He is equally responsible, and of course, he’s involved in parenting.
What makes Mike exceptional, though, is his understanding that I thrive as a mother when I can pursue my professional interests. He recognizes that my work makes me a better parent, and he supports my career goals.
When he’s watching the kids so I can focus on my writing or when I attend my book club, that’s not babysitting. It’s parenting. Friends, sitters, and nannies help. Fathers parent.
I’m glad we could clarify this distinction.
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In summary, we should celebrate parents for their roles instead of treating fatherly involvement as a rarity. A balanced parenting approach benefits both parents and children alike.