Listen up, my young friend. I realize we haven’t had a heart-to-heart about this yet—not like those times we sat together on my bedroom floor, knees brushing, your hands nervously fidgeting in mine while I explained why it’s completely misguided to share photos of your private areas. Remember? I was all, “Stick to pictures of your mundane meals or that quirky new jacket from H&M, it’s safer.” Eventually, I conceded, saying, “Alright, you can take some selfies, but keep it above the neck.”
But then we had to tackle another awkward yet necessary talk about those ridiculous pouty selfies you insist on taking—complete with peace signs that’ll have you cringing in the future. I’ll forever appreciate your eye-rolling during those conversations.
Now, Let’s Pivot to Toilet Paper Usage
Now, let’s pivot to another pressing matter: your toilet paper usage. When you go to the bathroom, there’s absolutely no need to envelop your hand in so much toilet paper that it resembles the wrapping of a mummy from ancient times.
I know you’re trying to be cautious because of your less-than-stellar aim, but it’s gone too far. Often, that massive ball of tissue ends up on the floor, staring up at me with a look that says, “I was once part of a majestic tree! Birds perched in my branches, and children delighted in my fruits. Now look at me—abandoned on this hair-covered disaster of a floor.”
And let’s be real: you’re not responsible for the delicate care of some mythical creature; you’re simply taking care of your own body. You really don’t need that massive cotton candy-sized shield between your hand and what you’re drying. Unless you’re somehow managing to pee all over your hands, there shouldn’t be enough fluid involved to warrant such an extensive cleanup. Urine isn’t like molten lava; it won’t cause your skin to disintegrate. Just take a breath and try using four sheets instead.
Fun Fact About Toilet Paper
Fun fact: toilet paper didn’t even exist until 1857! Can you imagine what folks used back then? Leaves? Animal pelts? Yikes! We’re lucky to live in an era where we can easily grab a roll from the store or even snag some from a gas station bathroom.
So, enjoy this modern luxury, but please, for the love of all things clean, don’t use enough that you could field a baseball with the wad you’ve created. Remember, toilet paper isn’t free, and we’ve got a full house to supply.
More Tips on Navigating Adulthood
For more tips on navigating adulthood, check out some of our other blog posts at Home Insemination Kit. And if you’re interested in at-home insemination options, visit Make A Mom. Additionally, American Pregnancy offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In Summary
In summary, let’s keep the toilet paper use to a reasonable amount while also cherishing the conveniences of modern life.