The internet today resembles a wild frontier—vast, unpredictable, exhilarating, but also fraught with risks. Simply sending our teens into this digital wilderness with a prayer and some vague advice like “Be careful!” and “Don’t talk to strangers!” isn’t sufficient. They need clear guidelines rooted in our family values.
With that in mind, I crafted this social media agreement for my 13-year-old son, Jake. On his 13th birthday, we decided to let him join Instagram. However, he posted a photo that raised some red flags for us. After hearing from a couple of concerned relatives, it became clear that Jake’s older sister and brother shared our concerns. It dawned on me that a formal agreement would not only clarify our expectations but also minimize potential arguments about the rules. After all, it’s hard to dispute a contract signed by both your parents and you!
Here’s the agreement we established:
- I promise to keep my account settings on “private” at all times.
- I will not post images of body parts. I can only share photos of myself or friends if they show our faces. This isn’t about shame; it’s about not exposing myself in a way that could attract unwanted attention.
- I will refrain from posting any sexualized content. This includes any kind of kissing, touching, or suggestive gestures. While being playful is fine, the internet isn’t a safe space for youthful silliness that leans into the sexual.
- I will treat myself and others with respect in both the words I use and the images I share. This means no mocking, gossiping, or sharing secrets on social media.
- For safety reasons, I won’t disclose my exact location while I’m there. For instance, I won’t post, “I’m at the park with my friend and then we’re heading home.”
- If I ever receive threatening or inappropriate messages or images, I agree to report it to an adult family member immediately.
- I agree to stay away from pornography. I recognize that while sex is a natural part of adult life, pornography is not the same and can be unhealthy. I understand that once I start viewing such material, I can’t unsee it, and that could harm my emotional and spiritual well-being. If I accidentally encounter explicit content, I will stop watching immediately. I also recognize that many people featured in such material are often in distress. My curiosity is normal, but until I’m an adult, I will avoid this content.
- I acknowledge that anything I post online is permanent, even if it’s deleted. Tech-savvy individuals can recover deleted images and messages. When I grow up, anyone can search my name and find everything I’ve ever shared online—including potential employers and future partners.
- During family time, I will put my devices away—this goes for the adults too!
- I agree to have regular digital detoxes. If my behavior indicates I need a break from tech—like being grumpy, ignoring family activities, or constantly checking my phone—my parents might ask me to step away from the internet for a day or two.
- I will log off all technology, including my phone, by 8 PM unless I have received prior permission for an exception.
- If I violate these agreements, I understand that my social media privileges may be revoked for a period determined by my parents. I know that my family loves me dearly and sets these boundaries out of that love.
This article was originally published on July 4, 2006.
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In summary, having a well-defined social media agreement can significantly benefit both parents and teens by setting clear expectations and fostering open communication in the digital landscape. This proactive approach can help navigate the sometimes treacherous waters of social media while ensuring a safer online experience for our children.