I need to have a candid moment with you about parenting, particularly from my perspective as a divorced mom. While divorce is more common these days, it seems that many who haven’t experienced it don’t fully grasp the nuances of shared custody and co-parenting. I often find myself dealing with unsolicited advice and comments from those who haven’t walked this path, and I really wish for just a pinch of empathy and understanding regarding my life as a single mother. If I come off as frustrated, it’s because I am. Let’s clear the air and hopefully find common ground.
When I was married and living with my child full-time, I didn’t think twice about hiring a babysitter for a night out. However, with my parenting time divided, I now prioritize spending every possible moment with my child. Unless it’s a significant event—a wedding or, God forbid, a funeral—I choose to be with her rather than leaving her with a sitter or family.
I often miss gatherings with friends, and that’s OK because my focus is on my little one. What isn’t OK, however, are the thoughtless remarks from those who don’t seem to understand my situation. Many come from childless acquaintances or even from women who are fortunate enough to see their kids daily but are eager for a night out. I get it, the allure of a girls’ night is strong!
So, let me share a few pointers. Think of this as a modern take on social etiquette, with a twist.
- Please Don’t Suggest I Just ‘Get a Sitter’
Unless it’s for a major life event, kindly refrain from asking me to prioritize your plans over my time with my child. It’s not just about the cost of hiring a sitter; it’s about the limited time I have with my little one. - Don’t Ask Me to Swap Weekends with My Ex
Seriously? You want me to juggle not only my schedule but also my child’s and my ex’s? That’s a lot to ask, and it’s unrealistic. - Avoid Telling Me I’m ‘Lucky’ to Get a Break
I do try to make the most of my time alone, but it’s not a lucky situation. This is my reality, and I navigate it the best I can. - Don’t Be Upset if I Have to Cancel Plans
Life is unpredictable, especially when sharing custody. If I need to cancel, it’s not because I’m flakey—it’s because I’m prioritizing my role as a mom. - Don’t Assume My Husband Can Automatically Watch My Daughter
My husband is fantastic, but he is her stepfather, not her biological parent. This relationship is complex and should not be assumed as an easy solution.
Navigating life as a divorced parent can be tough, and unless you are living it, it may be difficult to fully understand. I’m grateful for the friends who respect these boundaries and don’t cross the lines I’ve outlined.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not just a homebody binging shows on Netflix. I do enjoy nights out with my husband or friends when my child is with her dad. However, I also don’t expect anyone to work around my schedule. I just ask for understanding and consideration when planning events.
I’m usually organized enough to know my availability weeks in advance. Still, life happens, and things can change quickly. So, if I can’t make it to your birthday celebration because I’m with my child, please try to understand. I would gladly trade every child-free outing for more time together with my little one.
In summary, being a divorced mom means wrestling with a tight schedule and prioritizing time with my child. While I would love to join in on all the fun, my child always comes first. If you want to understand more about pregnancy and family, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and consider visiting makeamom.com for authoritative information on home insemination.