We all have that vivid recollection of our childhood, being pushed to embrace some uncomfortable, unfamiliar adult at a family gathering. Perhaps you even had to plant a kiss on them, leaving you with an unsettling memory of their unexpected and slimy lips. I know that feeling all too well, and it’s precisely why I don’t force my children to hug or kiss anyone, ever.
I firmly believe that children should have the autonomy to decline physical affection, especially when it makes them uneasy. This belief is increasingly shared among modern parents, who emphasize teaching kids about bodily autonomy. Many believe that children should have a say in defining their personal boundaries.
Teaching Consent and Autonomy
In a recent essay on this topic, Dr. Michelle Harper reflects on the growing trend of teaching consent and autonomy to children by allowing them to opt out of physical affection. While she acknowledges the well-intentioned nature of this approach, she expresses concern that it may lead to social isolation, stating, “I was raised to believe that our responsibility to others is sometimes expressed through our bodies.”
Ironically, this is the very notion that parents like myself aim to dispel. I don’t want my children to feel a sense of bodily obligation towards anyone—be it relatives, friends, or future partners. Their bodies belong to them, and they should determine how and when they express affection.
The Importance of Saying No
It might appear trivial, but teaching children that they are not obliged to hug or kiss on command empowers them with a crucial skill: the ability to say no. By instilling this lesson, we prepare them for more serious situations involving unwanted physical contact. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in four girls and one in six boys will face sexual abuse before they turn 18. Experts suggest that one effective strategy to combat abuse is to teach children about boundaries and the importance of asserting their right to refuse any touch that makes them uncomfortable.
Understanding Personal Boundaries
Imagine as an adult walking into a room full of unfamiliar faces and being told to give someone a hug or a kiss. “This is my colleague,” your boss might say at a work event. “Why don’t you give them a peck?” You would understandably feel uneasy, and rightfully so. Just as we would never demand such physical affection from fellow adults, it’s unreasonable to expect it from children.
I’m not naturally inclined to hug, and I don’t impose that expectation on my children. Instead, I encourage them to communicate affection in whatever manner they prefer, whether it’s through a hug, handshake, high five, or a simple wave and “hello.” I want them to interact confidently and respect both their own boundaries and those of others. After all, children are individuals too and deserve to be treated as such.
Further Reading
For more insights on this topic, check out our other blog post at Intracervical Insemination. Additionally, if you’re interested in the best practices for home insemination, visit Make a Mom for an authoritative guide. And for a comprehensive resource on pregnancy week by week, March of Dimes offers excellent information.
Conclusion
In summary, the lesson I strive to impart to my children is that they have the right to decide how they engage with others physically. This understanding fosters their confidence and helps protect them from potential harm.