When stepping into the role of a new parent, a flood of advice often follows. “Make sure to bundle him up!” “Feed him every three hours, without fail!” “Keep him indoors; he might catch a cold!” “Change his position; he doesn’t seem at ease!” “Where’s his hat? He absolutely needs a hat!”
Such guidance can feel overwhelming, exhausting, and only occasionally beneficial.
When my second son was born, however, I felt equipped. I had responses ready for every piece of parenting counsel I had encountered. Bring it on! I thought as I ventured out with him. Surprisingly, the unsolicited advice was absent. Instead, people admired him, offered kind words, and smiled. No one critiqued how I held him, the frequency of his feedings, or the outfit he wore. It was liberating; I was free to parent as I saw fit.
By the time your second child arrives, you transition from being a recipient of advice to becoming a giver of it.
After a year in this new role, I find myself navigating how to provide the most thoughtful advice to new parents without evoking the same emotions that past advisors stirred within me. I can share what has worked for me, what has not, and the moments that brought me joy, along with the challenges I faced.
As I rocked my 15-month-old son in my arms today, watching him drift into sleep, I recalled a quote I had come across recently: “Do whatever feeds your soul.” In that moment, I realized that there was nowhere my baby wanted to be more than cradled in my arms. If that doesn’t nourish the soul, I don’t know what does.
Ironically, “Don’t rock him to sleep! You’ll regret it!” was one of the many nuggets of advice I received when my first child was born. Each time I rocked him to sleep, worries about future regrets clouded my mind. I researched alternatives and attempted to follow the popular advice of putting him down “drowsy but awake.” Sometimes it worked; other times, it didn’t. Sometimes I simply rocked him. Ultimately, did it matter in the grand scheme of things?
Does my now 3½-year-old sneak into our bed at night because I rocked him too much? Perhaps. Do I regret those moments? Not at all. When I rock my younger son, do I feel self-conscious about doing what some might call the “wrong” thing? Absolutely not. And do I hope he, too, will want to snuggle in the middle of the night when he’s older? I sincerely hope so.
I have two sons in this world, two precious beings in my lifetime. If they wish to spend even one extra moment nestled against their mama, I wholeheartedly welcome it. My soul is ready for those moments.
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In summary, embracing the moments where my children seek comfort in my arms has become a core part of my parenting philosophy. The advice I once feared has transformed into moments that feed my soul, reminding me that the simplest acts of love can have the most profound impact.