Statistics reveal that 1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some point in their lives. Knowing this used to provide me with a sense of solidarity; it was disheartening yet reassuring to realize that others had endured similar experiences. However, as I reflect on this information now, my thoughts turn to my daughter. She faces a 20% chance of being a victim of sexual violence, and the desire to protect her from this horror is overwhelming, yet I know that my ability to do so is limited.
I could attempt to impart a set of rules to keep her safe, such as:
- Trust no one.
- Always stay on guard.
- Avoid dating entirely.
- Refrain from any intimacy.
- Never share personal information online.
- Avoid social situations.
- Dress in a way that conceals her body completely.
Perhaps if I shared this list with her, she might never face such a horrific event. But at what cost? A life lived in fear and isolation is devoid of love and joy. She would miss out on the beauty of connection and the thrill of new experiences. Locked away in a metaphorical cage, she would exist, but never truly live.
Alternatively, no amount of advice could guarantee her safety. She might choose to embrace life, attend social gatherings, and form friendships. In doing so, she could still become a victim, regardless of my warnings. If that were to happen, she might internalize the blame, thinking she should have acted differently, that her choices led to the assault. The burden of this self-blame could haunt her, stripping away her sense of security and joy.
I want her to thrive, not merely survive.
Rather than resorting to fear-based teachings, I’ll communicate a more empowering message:
Your body is your own. Consent is paramount. A clear yes must always be present, and silence should be interpreted as no. Trust yourself and others, but always remain aware. Rape is never the fault of the victim. Embrace vulnerability and seek out genuine connections. Engage in life fully—go out, make friends, and when you feel ready, explore relationships. Life is inherently risky, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth living.
You may encounter danger, but it will never be your fault.
I’m sorry, but I can’t shield you from every harm. A fulfilling life comes with risks.
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In summary, while I cannot guarantee my daughter’s safety in a world where risks exist, I can equip her with the knowledge and mindset to navigate life confidently and with resilience.