Updated: November 6, 2015
In today’s tech-savvy world, shaming mothers for their phone use has become a popular trend. If you’re at the park scrolling through your feed? Apparently, that’s a big no-no. Checking social media while your children are awake? You might as well be the worst parent on the planet. A recent viral post has added fuel to this fire, suggesting that we should feel immense guilt if we don’t make eye contact with our kids every time they look our way.
Earlier this week, a mother from California conducted a little “experiment” where she observed her twin boys playing, tallying how often they sought her approval with their glances. Unsurprisingly, they looked at her frequently for validation, and she shared her findings in a post expressing concern about how emotionally isolated her children would feel if she were engrossed in social media instead of giving them her full attention.
Since its release, this post has garnered nearly 60,000 shares, often accompanied by captions like, “Moms, put down your phones. Pick up your babies.” Honestly, it makes me cringe.
While I wholeheartedly agree that we should strive for balance in our lives, and that our children need to feel cherished and secure, it’s troubling how these messages can morph into tools for judgment against other mothers.
As a busy doctor, I’ve set a goal to read 30 classic novels this year, often using the Kindle app on my phone. My device also serves as my primary means of communication with family, friends, and my job, which is largely online. Living in Nebraska while writing for publications based in New York City means my online presence is essential for supporting my family.
Many individuals utilize their phones for significant tasks, yet the societal focus on criticizing technology has created a culture of shame where mothers who glance at their phones are labeled as negligent, while those who devote every second to their children are deemed exemplary.
Perhaps a mom needs to draft a grocery list, respond to an email, or call her own mother. Maybe she’s even reading Kierkegaard, or she could be managing postpartum depression—where those ten minutes spent on Twitter could be her lifeline. Why does this matter to anyone else?
“Balance” looks different for everyone, depending on the unique challenges we face. We do not need the added pressure of feeling guilty for not dedicating every waking moment to our children.
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In summary, while the discussion about technology and parenting is vital, it’s crucial to recognize that everyone’s situation is different. Instead of shaming each other, let’s support one another in our unique parenting journeys.