Updated: October 2, 2023
Originally Published: March 15, 2021
I vividly recall a moment from my early years as a physician. In my early 30s, I had just joined a bustling clinic, and while I was busy juggling patient care, I was also navigating my own personal milestones, including homeownership and starting a family. One particular Halloween, as I watched children in costumes rush past—a mix of superheroes and cartoon characters—I found myself serving as a judge for the clinic’s costume contest. Amid the excitement, I felt parched.
As is common in such gatherings, parents were hovering nearby, trying to maintain a low profile. When I reached for a refreshing drink from the “staff” cooler, I was met with a disapproving voice: “That’s for the doctors.” It turned out to be a child’s father, looking perplexed.
“Oh. Um.” That was all I could muster, stunned by the sudden realization of my appearance. I introduced myself, and he responded with the phrase I would hear repeatedly over the years: “You look so young; I thought you were one of the kids.” Initially, I took it as a compliment—youthful looks, I thought, were a blessing.
However, as time progressed and I transitioned into more senior roles, the context of that statement shifted. At 35, when I became a clinic director, the words “you’re so young” held a different weight. It hinted at doubts regarding my experience and capabilities. Parents in my clinic began to question whether they should voice their concerns to me or escalate them to higher authorities. Reflecting on this, I understood their hesitation; I might have felt the same if I were in their shoes.
Throughout my career, I often received the compliment that I was “wise beyond my years.” It suggested that despite my youth, I exuded maturity and competence. Yet, it prompted me to ponder: at what point will my age align with my wisdom? Shouldn’t I be able to embody intelligence and thoughtfulness irrespective of my age? Must wisdom be reserved for those marked by the passage of time?
Today, I am 38, and in June, I made a decision I never envisioned at this stage of my life—I stepped away from my practice. After three years filled with late-night emails, evening meetings, and the stress of balancing work and family, I recognized that the demands of my role, combined with a lengthy commute, were unsustainable for my family. While I cherish working alongside patients and their families, the strain became too much. I needed to reassess my priorities, which meant taking a break from my career. The choice felt both right and somewhat irrational, a mix of emotions that often accompany significant decisions.
Now, a new dialogue about my age is unfolding. Friends and acquaintances joke about my “retirement” and inquire what my next steps will be. The expectation seems to be that I can’t simply stay home with my two young children, right? I want to respond with grand ambitions: “I’ll write a bestseller or lead the local PTA.” Yet, the truth is, I’m uncertain about my next move. On one hand, it’s liberating to have the space to figure it out—to nurture my relationships, explore my passions, and take a breather. I recognize that many women don’t have this opportunity, and for that, I am grateful.
Conversely, the uncertainty of the future looms large. I intend to return to work, but I wonder how long is too long to be outside of the workforce at my age. When I eventually seek employment again, I’ll be in my 40s. Will it be more challenging? Will employers prefer a younger candidate with a seamless resume over a woman like me, who has taken a break? As I once felt too young, will I now, terrifyingly, be viewed as too old?
Perhaps. The notion of aging is unavoidable, even if I maintain a youthful appearance. However, age is also a mindset, and I have spent years battling the notion of being “too young.” Approaching 40, I remain the confident, capable individual I was in my 20s. Therefore, I have resolved to focus less on the potential challenges of re-entering my career and more on what this unexpected detour means for my life journey.
Sometimes, the most rewarding experiences arise from unanticipated changes, regardless of age. We merely need to embrace the shifts when they occur.
For more insights on navigating life changes and the journey of parenthood, check out our post on intracervical insemination. Additionally, if you’re interested in understanding the fertility journey, Make a Mom offers valuable information. For more comprehensive resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Progyny’s blog.