Every morning, as I drop my children off at daycare, we have a familiar exchange.
“Mom, will you pick us up?”
“Absolutely, my little ones!”
“Mom, are you coming back?”
“Yes, darling! I always come back.”
Then, I hug them tightly, kiss their cheeks, and leave.
However, a dark, unsettling thought has crept into my mind lately: What if one day, I don’t return? What if, despite all my reassurances, something happens, and I’m unable to pick them up? This fear looms over me, especially as a single mother. I am fortunate to have a supportive family who would care for my children, ensuring they are loved and cherished should anything occur. But that isn’t the essence of their concern.
When my kids ask if I’ll be back, they aren’t just inquiring about logistics; they are seeking reassurance about my presence in their lives. They want to know if I will always be there to support and comfort them. Their questions reflect a deeper emotional need: the desire for stability and the absolute conviction that their mother will always be there when they need her.
This need for presence is profound. Children, even at a young age, are keenly aware of their surroundings. Despite my consistent presence, they recognize that their other parent is sometimes absent. This creates a heightened sense of anxiety about my return, even if they’ve never had a reason to doubt it. I’m more than willing to provide the reassurance they seek, but I can’t help but ponder the “what ifs,” even if that hypothetical scenario is decades away.
As a mother, one of my greatest fears is leaving this world prematurely and leaving my children without me. Are any of us truly prepared for that moment? I share this fear as a daughter myself; I often think about the inevitable day when my own mother might not be there. At 30, with three children of my own, I still rely on her just as much as I did in my childhood.
My children will always need me, whether it’s to pick them up after a long day or to help them as they navigate significant moments in life. They will always seek their mother’s presence. I hope to be there for every milestone—from their first steps to their weddings. I pray that I can remain a part of their lives as long as possible, and while I know forever isn’t realistic, I hold onto the hope that it will be for many years ahead.
Even when the day arrives that I can no longer be physically present, I hope they carry my love with them always. I want them to know that I did everything I could to support them, that my love transcends the physical realm, and that I would go to great lengths to be with them if I could. I want them to feel that I’m with them in spirit with every breath they take, even in my absence.
As long as it’s within my power, I will always strive to come back.
For more on this topic, check out this insightful post about the importance of connection and reassurance in parenting. If you’re considering becoming a parent, Make a Mom provides excellent resources on home insemination options. Additionally, American Pregnancy offers valuable information on donor insemination to help guide your journey into parenthood.
Summary:
This article explores the fears and concerns of a mother regarding her presence in her children’s lives. It reflects on the emotional need for reassurance from children who are aware of parental absence, and the deep connection that binds a mother to her children. These reflections highlight the universal concern that all parents share about their ability to be there for their children, no matter what.