In the past five years, my body has transformed, nurturing and eventually sending off three wonderful children into the world. I’ve fed them with my own body, held them close, and showered them with affection. Yet, there are still times when I find it hard to grasp that I’m a mom.
When did I step into this role? It feels like just yesterday I was a young woman driving home from the hospital with a tiny, squirming bundle in the backseat, feeling as if my body had been through a battle I never anticipated, and completely overwhelmed by the thought of meeting that little one’s needs. I mean, mothers are practically superheroes, right? They know just what to say to soothe a crying child, where to place a kiss on a scraped knee, and how to recognize at least a dozen different rashes. I was clueless.
Five years ago, I became a mother, but it took time for me to truly embrace the title of “mom.” When does that transformation happen, anyway?
Is it when you’re stuck on the toilet, anxiously awaiting your first post-birth bathroom visit? Or is it dragging yourself down the hallway like a zombie night after night, surviving on a mix of spilled milk and exhaustion? Maybe it’s the nights spent pumping milk just to keep up your supply. Is it nursing through the pain of cracked nipples, juggling muffin tops, or dealing with the new hair sprouting in unexpected places?
Perhaps it’s the first time you rock your baby through the night, feeling your neck twist into a permanent crick while you try to catch just a moment of rest. Or maybe it’s the joy of witnessing their first smile, the moment they reach up to you for comfort, or the instant they utter “mama” for the first time.
Could it be that heart-stopping trip to the ER in the middle of the night, or the moment you find yourself with their blood on your hands after they tumble and bump into something? Holding them while they cry and silently weeping into their hair so they don’t see your tears—does that count?
What about cutting their food into teeny pieces, or purchasing five identical cups just to avoid squabbles over the pink one? Is it when they first tell you they love you (or when they scream that they hate you)? Is it picking them up when they fall, or helping them rebuild their confidence when friends let them down?
Is it the guilty whispers of frustration behind closed doors, the bragging about their accomplishments to friends, or showcasing their not-so-great artwork on your fridge? Is it packing their lunches for school, overseeing homework, or being the chaperone at dances?
What about the anxiety of letting them go out on their own for the first time, making those fourteen phone calls just to check in? Is it giving in and saying “yes” when you really mean “no,” or the sacrifices of your social life, your nightlife, and your intimate moments? Or perhaps it’s the acceptance that they will eventually crave their own independence in those areas.
It’s all of these, and yet none of them at the same time. Motherhood is not a checklist or a measurable quantity of love. It’s as elusive and magical as a baby’s first giggle. It evolves as your children grow, forever glancing back while continually moving forward. It’s about sharing your life with another wonderfully imperfect being who, day in and day out, astounds, disappoints, infuriates, and surprises you.
And if you’re anything like me, you might find yourself awake the night before your oldest’s fifth birthday, wondering where all the time went and feeling both grateful and humbled that such an extraordinary little person has made you a mom.
For more insights on the journey of motherhood, check out our post on home insemination. If you’re exploring options for starting your family, Make a Mom is a great resource, and you can find excellent information on pregnancy at WomensHealth.gov.
Summary:
Motherhood is a complex journey filled with moments that define our identities as moms. It’s not just about the challenges and sacrifices but also about the joy, love, and growth that come with nurturing our children. The transition from being a new mother to fully embracing the role of mom is filled with a myriad of experiences that shape who we are.