Finding and chasing our true passions is a deeply personal journey, especially for mothers. I believe that many moms fall prey to leading lives devoid of passion, often settling for less than what our hearts truly desire. We become accustomed to feelings of exhaustion, stress, and discontent, and in many ways, we start to accept this as our new normal.
In our quest to be dedicated mothers, we make countless small sacrifices, gradually relinquishing parts of our identity and leaving scant room for the activities that define us beyond parenting. While our commitment to motherhood is commendable, we must question what we forfeit in this process.
As mothers, we are meant to live passionately and fully, especially during these formative years. After all, how will our children learn to embrace life to the fullest if we don’t model that behavior for them? Yet, many of us quash our passions, dismiss our dreams, and abandon the search for purpose once we take on the role of a mom. We tell ourselves that being a mother is our primary purpose, and that should suffice. Over time, we sideline our hobbies and invest our energy solely into nurturing others, believing it’s what motherhood demands of us.
Initially, this may feel unsettling and overwhelming, but eventually, we become comfortable with this nagging sense of dissatisfaction. We start to accept it as part of our routine, convincing ourselves that there’s simply no time to contemplate our purpose or figure out what we need to feel whole. We juggle jobs, partnerships, friendships, and countless responsibilities—doctor’s appointments, daycare, playdates, and meal prep. The thought of pursuing something for ourselves can seem selfish when it might take our attention away from our kids or compromise our dedication to work.
However, as time passes, we find ourselves yearning for the things we once cherished—like solitude, exercise, or a quiet cup of coffee. We begin to feel resentment towards what we’ve sacrificed, prompting us to seek a so-called “work-life balance” to restore order to our chaotic lives. We become overwhelmed, exhausted, and feel like failures for not meeting all our goals, convinced that if we could only uncover the secret to achieving balance, everything would fall into place, allowing us to please everyone, including ourselves.
Let me tell you, trying to cram everything into your day and provide your best self to all aspects of your life is a futile endeavor. The harder you push to do it all, the more you will struggle, and the results will often leave you feeling inadequate. We tend to chastise ourselves for not living up to impossible standards and instead of reevaluating our approach, we blame ourselves. So, we keep searching for that elusive balance.
I’m not dismissing the significance of work-life balance strategies—there are indeed tools and methods that can be beneficial. However, our fixation on achieving balance often stems from a desire to alleviate the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment that haunt us. Sometimes, we pursue this goal in ways that aren’t effective.
An inspiring TED Talk by Mia Rodriguez, founder of Tech Girls Unite, emphasizes the importance of fostering bravery over perfection in our children. She highlights how girls receive early messages that they must not attempt anything unless they can do it flawlessly, which discourages them from taking risks or making mistakes.
From a young age, we internalize the idea that our behavior, looks, and performance need to be perfect to avoid judgment and rejection. As we grow, we strive for perfection in both our professional and personal lives, often judging ourselves and other women against these impossible benchmarks. We begin to feel isolated in our struggles, convinced that everyone else has it figured out. Just look at their curated lives on social media—what’s wrong with me?
In my quest for balance, I realize I’m not merely seeking equilibrium; I’m looking for superhuman abilities to stretch my day from 24 hours to 48, to never need sleep or sustenance, just to get everything done and finally feel satisfied. The real issue, however, is that I’ve excluded myself from the equation.
With so much on my plate, I often disregard my own needs, but that’s how we lose sight of true balance. We remove the foundation of our life—our connection to our inner selves, the joy and purpose that sustain us—and then wonder why everything crumbles around us.
This is why you won’t find genuine “balance” or overcome feelings of dissatisfaction until you reconnect with your passions—the pursuits that ignite your spirit and bring you joy. This is the paradox of motherhood: by nurturing your soul, you become a better mother. This isn’t selfish; it’s a courageous act of love. Remember, while motherhood is a lifelong role, its demands will evolve. If your identity is tied solely to your children, everyone, including yourself, may suffer in the long run. It’s vital to identify interests outside of your role as a mom, for both your well-being and theirs.
For many moms, this isn’t straightforward. We become so attuned to our families’ needs that we often silence our inner voice yearning for passion and joy. Reawakening that voice takes practice, time, and dedication to listening to it again.
I’m still working on hearing mine. It started with a weekly yoga class that I initially deemed frivolous. I nearly backed out several times, but I went, and much to my surprise, the world continued to turn. My family survived without me for an hour, and I felt revitalized and more alive than I had in months.
Ironically, by “selfishly” attending that yoga class, I got closer to discovering my passion and purpose than I ever did by obsessing over my lack of direction. I needed to show myself that joy and delight were worth my time and energy before I could even begin to listen to what my true passions and purpose might be.
I encourage you to do the same. Acknowledge the part of you that craves joy and excitement, and heed it when it nudges you. Lean into those feelings, even if they seem odd or like a waste of time. Trust that they will guide you to something remarkable.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to embrace your passions, check out this blog post on how to find your purpose. For those considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable syringe kits. And for a wealth of information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Healthline.
In summary, balance is not the goal; it’s about nurturing your passions and allowing yourself to thrive as a person beyond motherhood. By doing so, not only will you fulfill your own needs, but you’ll also enrich the lives of those around you.