Being a parent is no picnic! I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve said things to my kids that I swore I wouldn’t. Recently, I’ve been focusing on what I like to call mindful parenting, making a conscious effort to be aware of how I communicate with my little ones. I’ve realized there’s quite a bit of room for improvement. So, here are five phrases I’ve decided to banish from my parenting lexicon:
1. “What’s wrong with you?”
This phrase was a staple in my childhood, and I promised myself I’d never utter it to my kids. The first time it accidentally slipped out, it felt surreal, like I was watching a bad movie. My child’s expression mirrored the shame I used to see in my own reflection, and I was horrified to be the one causing it. It’s tempting to shout this when they ignore instructions or misbehave, but no amount of frustration justifies shaming my kids. As a parent, my goal is to build them up, providing them with a solid foundation for the world outside. Every time I communicate shame, I’m chipping away at that foundation, and I refuse to be that parent.
2. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Okay, I haven’t said it in those exact words, but the message has come through loud and clear. When I get frustrated with one child, I often highlight their sibling’s good behavior, thinking it will inspire change. Instead, I’m setting up a competition that undermines each child’s individuality. Each of my boys has his own unique strengths, and comparing them only fosters insecurity and dependence. Society thrives on competition, but I want my kids to embrace their uniqueness, not measure their worth against one another.
3. “You’re making me really angry.”
Let’s get real—no one can make me feel a certain way. My anger is influenced by a variety of factors, from a lack of sleep to the noise level in the house. While their actions might trigger my feelings, how I respond to that emotion is entirely up to me. I have the power to choose a healthier reaction instead of letting my anger dictate my response.
4. “Mommy’s feeling sad. Come give me a hug.”
This might sound innocent, but I’m inadvertently placing the weight of my emotions on my children’s shoulders. I don’t want to teach them that it’s their job to fix my feelings. My emotions are my responsibility, and while support from my kids can be comforting, it shouldn’t be their duty to lift me up. This kind of thinking can lead to codependency, which is not something I want for them.
5. “You need to play with this the right way.”
Guess what? There’s no “right” way to play! Play is all about unleashing creativity, and it’s how kids learn about themselves and the world around them. Sure, some toys have guidelines, but who’s to say that thinking outside the box is wrong? By insisting they play by the rules, I could be stifling their imagination and creativity. Instead of shutting down their ideas, I want to encourage them to express themselves freely.
Admitting these things is tough, but sharing them helps me stay accountable. I want my boys to grow up into confident, independent individuals, and I know that starts with how I communicate with them right now.
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In summary, by eliminating these phrases from my interactions, I’m working towards fostering a nurturing environment for my children, allowing them to flourish and embrace their unique selves.