Dear Mom,
Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on the signals you were sending us as you ushered us off to bed on those warm, golden South Florida summer evenings? While you headed out to meet your friends for your daily afternoon drinks, the messages were unmistakable: “Your drinks hold more significance to me than your father, your siblings, or you. I prefer to spend my time with them rather than nurturing our family ties.”
I often envisioned you returning, bursting through my bedroom door and proclaiming, “Not today! Today, I want to know how you are doing, I want to hear about your dreams and worries. I want to listen to your poetry, to understand what brings you joy, and what makes you sad. Instead of just dropping you off at the driving range, I want to watch you practice and discover what you love about the game.”
Today, I recognize that alcoholism is a complex issue. What may have begun as a choice, rooted in your own pain, evolved into a struggle that required immense effort to confront. But it was ultimately your decision to take the initial step toward prioritizing something or someone over your next drink.
You had the potential to harness the strength it took to overcome your past and instead of using it to control us, you could have directed it toward healing. You could have filled the void in your heart with pursuits that inspire both you and us—encouraging us to chase our dreams, sharing genuine moments of joy, and showing us the power of kindness to others.
I still grapple with understanding why you never sought help or acknowledged your challenges. I believe Dad would have supported you wholeheartedly if you had taken that leap. More than anything, I wish you had recognized the impact your choices had on us and expressed remorse for the pain they caused. I always held out hope for an apology, right until the end, but instead, I was left wondering: Why didn’t you see your own worth? Why weren’t we significant enough to you?
Your Middle Child
P.S. It has taken time for me to piece together my own understanding, and I still have my own healing journey ahead. However, I hope you would be proud of the person I’ve become.
Reflections on Parenting
Parenting is inherently imperfect. Many of us yearn for a chance to redo our past experiences. However, instead of focusing on “do-overs,” the emphasis should be on “doing now.” For you, Mom, that means having the courage to reflect on whether your current choices are guiding us on how to navigate life’s challenges. For your children, it’s about finding the bravery to forgive and transforming past pain into a force for positive change.
Resources for Further Exploration
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Conclusion
In summary, addressing the complexities of relationships and personal struggles is vital for growth. Acknowledging our past can pave the way for a healthier future.