As of yesterday, I’ve had the pleasure of being married to my husband, Cheddar (yes, that’s a cheesy nickname, but it fits!), for 16 wonderful years. And I’m not just saying that—we’re genuinely happy together.
Now, I don’t want to come across as preachy, but given that marriage can be a rollercoaster, I thought it might be valuable to share what a fulfilling marriage doesn’t look like. Through observing various relationships over the years, I’ve identified some behaviors that can create or worsen issues in a marriage—behaviors that Cheddar and I consciously avoid. Perhaps that’s why we’re still happily married after all this time? Who knows? It’s worth a shot!
1. We don’t assign blame.
Whether it’s about household chores, the kids, or finances, it’s tempting to point fingers when things get stressful (and they will!). But we’re a team, tackling challenges together. Blame only drives a wedge between us; it doesn’t offer solutions.
2. We don’t engage in mind games.
We communicate openly and honestly, making sure to express exactly what we mean. No traps or silent treatments here! I’ve seen couples tire themselves out with convoluted mind games, and honestly, it seems like way too much effort. Just say it, and do it kindly.
3. We don’t overanalyze.
Since we prioritize clear communication, we don’t need to guess if the other is upset or holding grudges. It took us some time to get here—Cheddar had previous experiences that made him wary of unspoken feelings—but now we ask questions instead of making assumptions.
4. We don’t carry grudges.
Neither of us is naturally inclined to hold onto past irritations. If something bugs us, we talk it out and move on. Holding grudges doesn’t serve anyone well.
5. We don’t complain about each other to outsiders.
Ranting about your partner to friends can do more harm than good. Sure, sometimes you need advice, but there’s a way to seek help without dragging your spouse’s name through the mud.
6. We don’t share every single thought.
Even though we’re open about many things, we don’t feel the need to disclose every thought running through our heads. I spare Cheddar unnecessary worries and vice versa. We’ve figured out what needs to be discussed and what can be kept private, which is perfectly fine!
7. We don’t do jealousy.
Cheddar admires certain actresses, and I have my own harmless crushes. We trust each other completely and understand that admiration doesn’t threaten our bond. Jealousy only stems from insecurities.
8. We don’t expect each other to fulfill every need.
While we support each other immensely, we recognize that it’s impossible to be each other’s everything. Sometimes we need time with friends, family, or even just a bit of solitude. That’s healthy!
9. We don’t allow life and kids to overshadow our marriage.
This one can be challenging, especially with young children. A wise friend once told me that the toddler years are the toughest phase of marriage. We strive to keep our connection strong, even if it means just checking in about how little time we’ve had together.
10. We don’t neglect physical intimacy.
I’ll leave that one to your imagination.
11. We don’t overlook love languages.
At first, I found the concept of “love languages” a bit odd, but it’s proven to be incredibly helpful. My primary love language is Acts of Service, while Cheddar’s is Physical Touch. Understanding each other’s needs allows us to express love in ways that resonate most.
12. We don’t take each other for granted.
I appreciate Cheddar’s strengths as a partner and father, and he acknowledges the hard work I put into managing our home and teaching the kids. We both recognize that we contribute equally to our partnership.
13. We don’t dwell on flaws.
We know we’re not perfect, but we choose to focus on the positive. Some quirks are even endearing!
14. We don’t fight.
Seriously! We may bicker or disagree, but we’ve never had a full-blown fight. Yelling, name-calling, and storming off? Not our style. If it ever came to that, we’d know something deeper was wrong.
15. We don’t take ourselves too seriously.
Maybe this is why we avoid fights—one of us usually cracks a joke before things get heated. We embrace silliness, share laughs, and create a fun atmosphere. Life’s too short not to enjoy it!
16. We don’t think marriage should be hard.
While it’s not always a walk in the park, marriage should feel nurturing and rewarding. If it starts to feel too heavy, we’re open to seeking help. We haven’t needed counseling yet, but we’ll do what it takes to tackle challenges together.
We might not be perfect, but our relationship is pretty fantastic. Here’s to another 16 years and beyond!
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Summary:
In this article, Jamie shares the 16 key behaviors that contribute to a happy and thriving marriage with her husband, Cheddar. Emphasizing the importance of communication, trust, and mutual respect, she outlines the practices they avoid to maintain their strong bond. From not placing blame to steering clear of jealousy, Jamie illustrates how these principles have helped their relationship flourish over the years.