In recent discussions, there’s been a trend suggesting that divorce should be celebrated rather than mourned. Some believe that the end of a marriage deserves cheers instead of condolences, and that a divorce can be a cause for a party rather than a somber occasion.
I totally get where these ideas are coming from. I’ve encountered countless individuals who have gone through divorce, and for many, it truly marks the start of a new chapter. There are undoubtedly stories of escape from abusive relationships, and in those cases, yes, let’s raise a glass to newfound freedom and bravery.
But for me? Not a chance. I can’t bring myself to celebrate my divorce.
I know, I know. Everyone tells me I’m better off without him! The split meant an end to the lies, the betrayal, and a profound lack of respect that almost drove me to the brink. Yet, it also signified the shattering of dreams I’d held dear. The plans we crafted over the years crumbled like a sandcastle in a storm. Signing that decree felt like tossing away promises made not just to each other, but to our children too.
Thinking of the Kids
Speaking of the kids, that’s another reason I refuse to throw a party. Sure, for many, divorce can bring stability after years of chaos. It might even allow a parent to flourish after escaping the shadows of a toxic marriage. But my kids? They didn’t experience that transformation.
During the early days of our separation, I was desperate to salvage our marriage. One night, I whispered through tears, “This is going to be so hard on the kids.” My ex, with a dismissive sigh, replied, “People get divorced all the time. They’ll be fine.” Fast forward eight years, and while my kids are doing relatively “fine,” there were many dark days. The scars from that upheaval will fade but never fully disappear. It’s naive to think that the disintegration of a family doesn’t leave its mark.
I have four children, and each faced the divorce in unique ways. There were more tears than I ever anticipated, and a level of anger that took me by surprise. We endured tough financial struggles that forced us to leave our beloved home. I transitioned from a stay-at-home mom to desperately searching for work and childcare. Family traditions were disrupted, and holidays turned into a juggling act—one year here, the next there.
We sought therapy, navigated school challenges, and dealt with societal stigma surrounding divorce. Every off-behavior or poor grade felt like a judgment from the universe, as if I were being told, “I told you so.” I even faced the terrifying possibility of losing one of my kids to depression. Did the divorce directly cause it? Who knows, but it certainly didn’t do any favors.
My children had to witness me struggle to get out of bed some mornings. The pain of watching my marriage dissolve was overwhelming. Yet, I persevered. I chose to rise each day, and that’s what I celebrate.
Finding Joy in Resilience
Every day I found more laughter than tears? Worth celebrating. Watching my children grow into remarkable young adults? Definitely worthy of a toast. Being surrounded by incredible friends who supported me? Absolutely a reason to celebrate.
Realizing that adversity builds character, and that our little family of five has more resilience than a Disney parade? That’s a cause for joy. Filling out my first FAFSA application all alone? You bet I celebrated that!
Let me be clear: I will celebrate the journey of healing. I’ll honor the fight I put into saving my marriage until it became apparent that the struggle was futile. I’ll acknowledge those scary “firsts,” some tackled with grace, others by the skin of my teeth. I’ll gladly accept compliments, and if you want to toast to how far my kids and I have come since those dark days, I’m in (just make mine a dirty martini, please).
But the divorce itself—the painful, soul-crushing experience that nearly shattered me? No way. If you want to celebrate yours, I completely understand, and I might even join in the revelry. But as for me, I will not toast to my own.
Now, About Those Martinis…
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In summary, while some view divorce as a cause for celebration, my experience tells a different story. It marked the end of dreams, stability for my children, and left lasting impacts on our family. However, I choose to celebrate the resilience and growth that have emerged from this challenging chapter.