I hate to break it to everyone, but it seems that the cowl neck is making a comeback. Yes, even though it’s still July! I know you’re just as dismayed as I am that this dubious neckline is reappearing on our clothing racks. A few years back, the cowl neck made a brief and agonizing return, but thankfully, it didn’t last long. I thought we had waved farewell to this menace ages ago, but alas, it seems we’re facing a new wave of cowl necks. It’s like a cowl conspiracy, if you will.
Now, I understand that not all cowls are created equal, and I shouldn’t paint them all with the same broad brush. Designers want us to believe there’s a cowl that can flatter every woman. Sure, the wide and bulky knit cowls differ from the softer, more casually draped versions. But let’s be honest, I’ve never met a cowl I liked. Never.
As fashion-conscious women, we need to band together and resist the cowl neck trend, banishing this fashion faux pas from our lives once and for all. Seriously, who thought that women of all shapes and sizes would look good in a cowl? Did Calvin or Ralph gather their teams and say, “Hey, cowls look fabulous on monks, what do you think?”
My disdain for cowl necks began in my teenage years, that awkward time when young girls are discovering who they are and how they want to be seen. I tried on various identities, but I quickly decided I wanted nothing to do with cowl necks. When friends asked for my opinion after slipping into their Jordaches for a night out, I would stuff a Hydrox cookie in my mouth to avoid appearing sympathetic to the cowl neck cause.
You have to understand, I was small-chested in high school (and still am), and cowl necks were all the rage. In 1983, everywhere I looked at stores like Foxmoor or Jordan Marsh was screaming, “Cowl!” I just didn’t see the appeal. There were cowl neck shirts, dresses, and countless sweaters, many in pastel angora. (Don’t even get me started on angora!) When I tried one on, it never draped correctly. Plus, when I looked down, I wanted to see my toes! Am I right?
Mostly, I felt suffocated by the cowl — and turtlenecks, for that matter, which had the audacity to zip up at the back of the neck, making breathing and swallowing a challenge. You know the ones I mean, the kind with snaps in the crotch? Oh yes, now you remember. I felt trapped, and with so few options in stores, I was forced into cowl necks. Going without a top would have been liberating, but I was far too concerned about what others thought. Showing my small chest would have been social suicide. Back then, there were no online shops like Zappos or Shopbop to escape the cookie-cutter mall options. I was stuck in cowl necks.
Even my mother, a known cowl neck enthusiast, conspired against my boycott. She looked great in a cowl, so she assumed I would too. She purchased cowl neck sweaters constantly, and I vaguely remember her practically wrestling me into one for a fancy dinner at The Hilltop.
It’s not that I think cowl necks look bad on everyone—I can appreciate that. My mom rocked them, and I recall Loni Anderson looking fabulous in a cowl neck. Valerie Bertinelli pulled off those sweaters on One Day at a Time too. But maybe it boils down to this: you need the right assets, like the voluptuousness of Anderson or the flowing locks of Bertinelli, to wear a cowl properly. How many of us fit into that category?
Sometimes in moments of self-doubt, I wonder if I’m being too harsh on the cowl. Could it be that I’m the one doing it an injustice? Perhaps I simply lack the skill to manage the extra fabric bunched at my nonexistent chest. But let’s be real, I refuse to view this as a personal flaw.
There are plenty of other necklines out there that I get along with just fine. I can rock a halter or a strapless style without issue. The variety of necklines available today is incredible—or so I thought. Yet the sheer number of cowl necks in stores lately has me worried. The other day at Marshalls, it felt like every sweater was a cowl. Is New Hampshire the epicenter of cowls, or is this a broader issue?
Ladies, we don’t have to accept this! We can band together to stop this trend. I cannot go back to the way things were. Soon, everyone at work will be in cowls, and my eighth graders will be sporting the latest styles from Forever 21, thinking this is the trend of the decade. God, my mom might even dig out her old cowls from the attic!
It’s just too much to handle.
This article originally published on Aug. 29, 2015. For more insights and stories, check out our privacy policy here. And if you’re curious about boosting fertility, take a look at this resource on fertility boosters for men. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, this site is an excellent resource.
Summary:
In this humorous take on the resurgence of cowl necks, the author reflects on her long-standing aversion to this particular fashion trend. She humorously recalls her teenage struggles with self-image and fashion, ultimately rallying women to unite against the cowl neck phenomenon. The piece blends personal anecdotes with a light-hearted critique of the fashion industry, leaving readers to consider their own feelings toward this polarizing neckline.